GAMETIME 8:00PM SATURDAY.
TIM
(T)enatively
(I)nto
(M)en
JUSTIN
(J)ustified
(U)sing
(S)ex
(T)o
(I)ntimidate
(N)ordy
CURT
(C)ausing
(U)nreal
(R)etard
(T)ension
NORDY
(N)ever
(O)rally
(R)ectified
(D)ave’s
(Y)earning
CHAD
(C)ontemplated
(H)arboring
(A)nal
(D)aggers
JOHN S.
(J)acked
(O)ver
(H)aving
(N)o
(S)crotum
JOHN L.
(J)oined
(O)regon
(H)omosexual
(N)ational
(L)egion
BRANDON
(B)utler’s
(R)ugby
(A)ndroid
(N)ever
(D)isses
(O)ld
(N)egros
MARK
(M)asterfully
(A)ttained
(R)ear
(K)nighthood
DAVE
(D)ropping
(A)wkward
(V)iral
(E)xcuses
SHAWN
(S)urely
(H)ates
(A)nything
(W)ithout
(N)udity
DONTE
(D)utifully
(O)ffers
k(N)ob-jobs
(T)o
(E)veryone
ROB
(R)aunchy
(O)bsessive
(B)runette
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Game Recap - 10/31/2009 VS Puck Off
Recap thanks to Random Siljander:
The opening crawl on the Butler Dek Hockey webpage reveals that Puck Off has been working on the construction of a new armored dek hockey team which is to be even larger and more powerful than the first Cummings Coffee.
Fearing his arrival, the crew of the new Puck Off informs Darth JBL that the team will be operational on time. Darth JBL, however, informs the goaltender that the Emperor Latte will be arriving soon, and that he is most displeased with his progress, and says, "The Emperor Latte is not as forgiving as I am."
Jedi Guitarist Markus Skywalker, Fehlbacca, Lando Collins, Princess Leia Siljander, C-3PLauer, Rob Wedge and Shoup2-D2 return to the dek in an attempt to rescue Pott Solo from Heroin Ref. Leia Siljander, disguised as a drug enthusiast named Nordy, attempts to secretly free Pott Solo, who had been encased in stamp bags at the end of our last game, only to be discovered and high-sticked by the Kung Fu Pandas soon after. Markus Skywalker then arrives to make one final plea to Heroin Ref to release Pott Solo from the penalty box. Markus Skywalker is also captured and is sent with Pott Solo and the others to the Great Pit of the Head Marxist to be slowly consumed by its disgusting teeth. With the help of Shoup2-D2, Markus Skywalker escapes and a large battle erupts in the far corner. During the battle, Leia Siljander strangles Heroin Ref (fuck off Lady Byng award) and Pott Solo accidentally knocks Fat Ref into the maw of the Head Marxist. Following this, Markus blasts a shot on goal and all of our heroes manage to escape before a penalty is called. End of the first, 0-0.
A massive fleet of players completely surround the boards by the Puck Off bench. As Red Russians slowly descend from the Imperial Dodge Caravan and flank the dek, Darth JBL and the Puck Off goaltender kneel to their master as he is the last to enter the bleachers. He insists that Lord JBL will soon capture Markus Skywalker, and he will learn the Dark Side of dek hockey.
Markus returns to the Dagobench to complete his guitar training, but he finds Jimmy Page is not feeling well. He tells Markus that no other training is required and all that remains to be done is to confront his father, Darth JBL. Jimmy Page then vomits in the corner. The spirit form of Jimi Hendrix then appears and confirms that JBL was once John Bradshaw Layfield, a former WWE wrestler who was turned to the Dark Side of dek hockey. It is also revealed that Leia Siljander is not related to Markus, but hidden from Darth JBL and separated at birth to protect them both from the Emperor Latte.
Meanwhile, the entire Rebel Lengths is meeting in the center of the dek to devise an attack strategy. As part of the attack, Markus and his companions (whom he has now rejoined after leaving the Dagobench) must deactivate the glove generator on the left hand of the goaltender which is projecting a protective shield in the Puck Off goal. During a break in play, Markus and his companions encounter a tribe of Scagglywoks, primitive yet intelligent indigenous forest creatures of Highfield who are watching the game. With the help of C-3PLauer, they are able to forge an alliance with the forest creatures. Later, Markus decides that the time has come for him to face Darth JBL. He confesses to Leia Siljander the truth about JBL, and that he has to try to save the man who was once his father. He pretends to surrender peacefully to Darth JBL and then unsuccessfully tries to convince his father to abandon the Dark Side by running his face into the boards.
They go to the Puck Off defensive zone and meet the Emperor Latte, who reveals that the Rebel Lengths are walking into a trap. In the neutral zone, the Rebels Lengths led by Pott Solo and Leia Siljander try to enter the offensive zone shield only to be stuffed by waiting Puck Off forces. They score some shitty goal. 1-0 turds. Once the teams are led back to the faceoff dot, however, the Scagglywoks then spring a surprise verbal counterattack. A desperate ground battle begins with the Rebel Lengths fighting for a loose ball in front of the Puck Off net. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths are on the board, 1-1. Behind the Rebel Lengths net, the Emperor Latte further seduces Markus with the powers of the Dark Side, and he tries to unleash the team's destructive power on the Rebel Lengths. As Markus Skywalker builds up with anger and rage, he takes his hockeysaber, and begins to slash at the Emperor Latte, but is only stopped by the crimson blade of his father's hockeysaber. Matching minors. End of the second, 1-1.
Darth JBL and Markus start out the third period by continuing their duel in the penalty box. The Rebel Lengths fleet emerge from their defensive zone, only to discover that the shield of the Puck Off glove generator is still functioning. An intense neutral zone battle takes place as the Rebel Lengths fight to give their forwards more time to complete their mission of deactivating the glove generator. During the battle, Puck Off is revealed to be slightly operational as some supershitty assclown shot is directed at the Rebel Lengths net and somehow goes in. 2-1 turds. On the Puck Off bench, the Emperor Latte tempts Markus to give in to his anger. Shouts for an instigator penalty are ignored as usual. Another ferocious hockeysaber duel erupts between Markus and Darth JBL. In the midst of combat, JBL reads Markus's feelings and learns that Markus was born to rock. When JBL toys with the notion of turning Leia Siljander to the dark side, Markus gives in to his anger and gains the upper hand in the battle, pulling Darth JBL's jersey over his head in one swift move, and makes his father succumb to defeat at the mercy of his son's hockey stick. However, despite the Emperor's goading, Marcus refuses to cross-check his father, realizing that he is traveling down his father's path towards the Dark Side, and declares himself a Jedi Guitarist. Upon realizing that Marcus cannot be turned, the Emperor Latte uses Force lightning against him to torture and attempt to kill him. No penalty called. Deeply affected by the sight of his son dying before him, Darth JBL repents and turns on the Emperor Latte, throwing him down the reactor shaft in the women's bathroom. A game misconduct is miraculously called on JBL but the Random Lengths have to serve it. At the same time, however, the Emperor's Force lightning causes fatal injuries to Darth JBL's internal organs which were already damaged from years of steroid use. Knowing that there is no hope for his own survival, JBL asks Markus to take his gloves off. Markus also removes Darth JBL’s helmet, revealing the pale and scarred face of his father. JBL says that Markus was right about him, and asks Markus Skywalker to tell Leia Siljander this. Markus tells him to fuck off. With those final words, Darth JBL dies. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths tie it up at 2-2.
Back in Herman, the beer strike team finally destroys a stubborn keg of Busch. On the dek, the Rebel Lengths fleet seizes the opportunity to launch a final assault on the goaltender. Rob Wedge leads Lando Collins and his fighter group into the defensive bowels of Puck Off and they fire at the goaltender, causing its collapse. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3-2, Lengths. Markus Skywalker, with a stick in one hand and a Stratocaster in the other, escapes Puck Off in a Mazda RX-8. Moments later, Rob Wedge with his Reebok S19 composite stick and Lando Collins with his Easton Synergy emerge from the carnage as well, just as Puck Off implodes. Game over, Random Lengths win 3 to 2. Back on the bench, Leia Siljander reassures Calvin Johnson of her love and reveals to him that she won't cut him from her fantasy team even though he is injured and has been really shitty for most of the year. Markus cremates the remains of his shin pads in the funeral dumpster behind the dek. The entire galaxy celebrates the fall of the Emperor Latte and the Rebel Length's victory over Puck Off. In the parking lot, Markus Skywalker, Leia Siljander, Pott Solo, Lando Collins, and the rest of the Rebel Lengths, along with the Scagglywoks, celebrate the victory as well. During the celebration, Markus Skywalker catches sight of the spirit figures of Chad Scuderi, Harry Potter, and Christopher Reeves, who look proudly on him.
The opening crawl on the Butler Dek Hockey webpage reveals that Puck Off has been working on the construction of a new armored dek hockey team which is to be even larger and more powerful than the first Cummings Coffee.
Fearing his arrival, the crew of the new Puck Off informs Darth JBL that the team will be operational on time. Darth JBL, however, informs the goaltender that the Emperor Latte will be arriving soon, and that he is most displeased with his progress, and says, "The Emperor Latte is not as forgiving as I am."
Jedi Guitarist Markus Skywalker, Fehlbacca, Lando Collins, Princess Leia Siljander, C-3PLauer, Rob Wedge and Shoup2-D2 return to the dek in an attempt to rescue Pott Solo from Heroin Ref. Leia Siljander, disguised as a drug enthusiast named Nordy, attempts to secretly free Pott Solo, who had been encased in stamp bags at the end of our last game, only to be discovered and high-sticked by the Kung Fu Pandas soon after. Markus Skywalker then arrives to make one final plea to Heroin Ref to release Pott Solo from the penalty box. Markus Skywalker is also captured and is sent with Pott Solo and the others to the Great Pit of the Head Marxist to be slowly consumed by its disgusting teeth. With the help of Shoup2-D2, Markus Skywalker escapes and a large battle erupts in the far corner. During the battle, Leia Siljander strangles Heroin Ref (fuck off Lady Byng award) and Pott Solo accidentally knocks Fat Ref into the maw of the Head Marxist. Following this, Markus blasts a shot on goal and all of our heroes manage to escape before a penalty is called. End of the first, 0-0.
A massive fleet of players completely surround the boards by the Puck Off bench. As Red Russians slowly descend from the Imperial Dodge Caravan and flank the dek, Darth JBL and the Puck Off goaltender kneel to their master as he is the last to enter the bleachers. He insists that Lord JBL will soon capture Markus Skywalker, and he will learn the Dark Side of dek hockey.
Markus returns to the Dagobench to complete his guitar training, but he finds Jimmy Page is not feeling well. He tells Markus that no other training is required and all that remains to be done is to confront his father, Darth JBL. Jimmy Page then vomits in the corner. The spirit form of Jimi Hendrix then appears and confirms that JBL was once John Bradshaw Layfield, a former WWE wrestler who was turned to the Dark Side of dek hockey. It is also revealed that Leia Siljander is not related to Markus, but hidden from Darth JBL and separated at birth to protect them both from the Emperor Latte.
Meanwhile, the entire Rebel Lengths is meeting in the center of the dek to devise an attack strategy. As part of the attack, Markus and his companions (whom he has now rejoined after leaving the Dagobench) must deactivate the glove generator on the left hand of the goaltender which is projecting a protective shield in the Puck Off goal. During a break in play, Markus and his companions encounter a tribe of Scagglywoks, primitive yet intelligent indigenous forest creatures of Highfield who are watching the game. With the help of C-3PLauer, they are able to forge an alliance with the forest creatures. Later, Markus decides that the time has come for him to face Darth JBL. He confesses to Leia Siljander the truth about JBL, and that he has to try to save the man who was once his father. He pretends to surrender peacefully to Darth JBL and then unsuccessfully tries to convince his father to abandon the Dark Side by running his face into the boards.
They go to the Puck Off defensive zone and meet the Emperor Latte, who reveals that the Rebel Lengths are walking into a trap. In the neutral zone, the Rebels Lengths led by Pott Solo and Leia Siljander try to enter the offensive zone shield only to be stuffed by waiting Puck Off forces. They score some shitty goal. 1-0 turds. Once the teams are led back to the faceoff dot, however, the Scagglywoks then spring a surprise verbal counterattack. A desperate ground battle begins with the Rebel Lengths fighting for a loose ball in front of the Puck Off net. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths are on the board, 1-1. Behind the Rebel Lengths net, the Emperor Latte further seduces Markus with the powers of the Dark Side, and he tries to unleash the team's destructive power on the Rebel Lengths. As Markus Skywalker builds up with anger and rage, he takes his hockeysaber, and begins to slash at the Emperor Latte, but is only stopped by the crimson blade of his father's hockeysaber. Matching minors. End of the second, 1-1.
Darth JBL and Markus start out the third period by continuing their duel in the penalty box. The Rebel Lengths fleet emerge from their defensive zone, only to discover that the shield of the Puck Off glove generator is still functioning. An intense neutral zone battle takes place as the Rebel Lengths fight to give their forwards more time to complete their mission of deactivating the glove generator. During the battle, Puck Off is revealed to be slightly operational as some supershitty assclown shot is directed at the Rebel Lengths net and somehow goes in. 2-1 turds. On the Puck Off bench, the Emperor Latte tempts Markus to give in to his anger. Shouts for an instigator penalty are ignored as usual. Another ferocious hockeysaber duel erupts between Markus and Darth JBL. In the midst of combat, JBL reads Markus's feelings and learns that Markus was born to rock. When JBL toys with the notion of turning Leia Siljander to the dark side, Markus gives in to his anger and gains the upper hand in the battle, pulling Darth JBL's jersey over his head in one swift move, and makes his father succumb to defeat at the mercy of his son's hockey stick. However, despite the Emperor's goading, Marcus refuses to cross-check his father, realizing that he is traveling down his father's path towards the Dark Side, and declares himself a Jedi Guitarist. Upon realizing that Marcus cannot be turned, the Emperor Latte uses Force lightning against him to torture and attempt to kill him. No penalty called. Deeply affected by the sight of his son dying before him, Darth JBL repents and turns on the Emperor Latte, throwing him down the reactor shaft in the women's bathroom. A game misconduct is miraculously called on JBL but the Random Lengths have to serve it. At the same time, however, the Emperor's Force lightning causes fatal injuries to Darth JBL's internal organs which were already damaged from years of steroid use. Knowing that there is no hope for his own survival, JBL asks Markus to take his gloves off. Markus also removes Darth JBL’s helmet, revealing the pale and scarred face of his father. JBL says that Markus was right about him, and asks Markus Skywalker to tell Leia Siljander this. Markus tells him to fuck off. With those final words, Darth JBL dies. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths tie it up at 2-2.
Back in Herman, the beer strike team finally destroys a stubborn keg of Busch. On the dek, the Rebel Lengths fleet seizes the opportunity to launch a final assault on the goaltender. Rob Wedge leads Lando Collins and his fighter group into the defensive bowels of Puck Off and they fire at the goaltender, causing its collapse. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3-2, Lengths. Markus Skywalker, with a stick in one hand and a Stratocaster in the other, escapes Puck Off in a Mazda RX-8. Moments later, Rob Wedge with his Reebok S19 composite stick and Lando Collins with his Easton Synergy emerge from the carnage as well, just as Puck Off implodes. Game over, Random Lengths win 3 to 2. Back on the bench, Leia Siljander reassures Calvin Johnson of her love and reveals to him that she won't cut him from her fantasy team even though he is injured and has been really shitty for most of the year. Markus cremates the remains of his shin pads in the funeral dumpster behind the dek. The entire galaxy celebrates the fall of the Emperor Latte and the Rebel Length's victory over Puck Off. In the parking lot, Markus Skywalker, Leia Siljander, Pott Solo, Lando Collins, and the rest of the Rebel Lengths, along with the Scagglywoks, celebrate the victory as well. During the celebration, Markus Skywalker catches sight of the spirit figures of Chad Scuderi, Harry Potter, and Christopher Reeves, who look proudly on him.
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