Tim:
"Playing against 15 year olds is like playing against girls...no offense babe."
Babe:
"No, no, no, none taken. I can totally see where you're coming from. You're a
Big Body, you need to throw your weight around, and you would be in jail for child abuse if you threw those kids around today. What will you do if Ev's team plays against you in 13 years?"
Tim:
"Smash him."
Another season, another disappointing loss in the playoffs to a team we're more than capable of beating. Here are some of the exsuses we were throwing around:
We were missing some key players.
They are much younger and have more energy.
We are rusty from not playing much in the last month.
They are an ice hockey team and they play together all of the time.
They have played together for years.
They are kids and we could not play our game.
The one kid drove a Lexus.
Etc.
Yes, yes, yes, yes yes, OK, and yes. These may be true. But the underlying stat of the day is the fact that we only scored one goal on them. They may be a well oiled machine with passing plays and controlled breakouts, but that still does not change the fact that they only scored 6 goals on us and we only scored 1 on them.
We average around 6 goals per game, so to say that they were merely a better team is to avoid the fact that we need more scoring depth. Their goalie's head was barely above the cross-bar, and we maybe put 2 shots up high on him. Next session starts in a few weeks. Be ready.
Period 1It's wedding season, so we were without most of our defensive corps.
Nordo stepped up like he always does, and he took the vacant D spot.
Things start like they would end - shitty - and they sneak one in on their first shift.
These kids were OK. They could pass well, and a few of them could stick handle if their backs were turned to us, but their shots were nothing special, and they could not muscle us off of the ball (obviously).
They sneak a few cheap goals in, and suddenly we're down 3 - 0.
Curt and Aaron had some chances but Little Stevie stoned them.
Marky and Tim (The Griding Line) could not get down and dirty because to get "dirty" requires some booty being thrown around, and this just was not happening against the youth group.
Tim had a chance early on the back-hand, but his Sidney Crosby stick caused him to shoot it well over the net.
They never really got "down," and the only "dirty" that happened was all over their bodies.
Maybe they should be called the "Dirty Line."
Aaron eventually sneaks one in and thoughts of "we're in this" creep through every one's heads.
Did anyone get an assist on this goal?
Period 2
A whole lot of nothing. They score a few more goals and make it 5 - 1.
The Dirty line goes in on a two-on-none break and then they forget what they're doing.
Curt and Aaron create some odd-man rushes but the little bastards are very good at getting their sticks in the passing lanes (good scouting work Pott).
C and A hit a post or two in there at some point - sludge - we cannot sneak one it.
Tim gets a breakaway, and if we base these opportunities on percentages, there is a .327 percent chance that he will score.
PAD SAVE, play stopped.
Our D-men were playing well. They were good at taking the ball down low, and waiting for the third man coming into the slot (if you're new to hockey, this guy is the responsibility of the forwards). It took us forwards a little while to realize this, and by then it was too late, they had already built enough of a lead that they began to play keep-away and work on their passing drills.
The best chance of the period came off of a face-off late in the period. Tim wins the face-off forward and because his stick is tied-up, he kicks it toward the net.
He put some nasty english on the shot because it curled around the goalie and sat 1 inch from the crease.
Somehow there are two defenders also standing in the crease so it is difficult for Marky to get his stick in there, but after they both somehow miss the ball, Marky makes an amazing attempt to stick it in by stabbing at the ball with his stick. If we had not joked about these kids never seeing a naked girl, this ball goes in. The Dek Hockey gods are upset with us because the joke was not funny, and they prevent us from scoring.
Period 3
A whole lot of nothing exciting happens in this period. We took a few more penalties, had a couple of minor chances, and the boy scouts score one more on us.
The penalty box was a good time though. Earl and Dwayne Jr. were in there giving us hockey advice between their Copenhagen grains and TV dinner breath. Those of us that had a chance to witness that spectacle now have an IQ score 3 points lower than it was before we went in.
Pott takes a "run" at a child, and then is tripped up on the ensuing rush. He claims that he was going for the ball, but Fat Ref and Beaver Pimple Ref care very little, and they put him in the box.
I don't know about you guys, but I don't like the new "friendship" that we have with the refs. It was much more fun when we would argue with them and call them names.
Curt scares the 5 pubes off of one teen behind the net, and his dad denies it.
If a fight were to erupt because of this, our team would have taken out the entire team and their dads, and then Curt would have slept with their moms.
Game, 6 - 1.
