For those of you who didn't play, this team's name may give away how high on the douchebag scale they fall. The COUGARS??!! Really? The Cougars? I cannot think of one situation where this name is intimidating, awesome, or funny. Are they "cougars" like the animal? Sweet animal but stupid and unoriginal name for a Dek Hockey team. Are they "cougars" like middle aged women who dig younger guys? Not funny. Anyway you look at it they either 1) have a terrible sense of humor, or 2) gave the name very little thought and time. They were, however, douchebags. Big, soppy, rubber ones.
This one dick, for example, got to taste what a forearm full of freckles feels like when Fennell leveled him and myself at the end of the game. This...kid...was...a...DICK. I don't mean a dick in the "I make people hate me" sense - kind of like Curt. I don't mean dick in the "Hi my name is Richard, but my friends call me Dick" sense. I mean in the sense that this kid was actually a male organ, a penis, a dick. He has 1 mohawk and 0 girlfriends.
On to the recap.
We were short players once again, and the Head Marxist was reffing the game... once again. Get this - he was wearing a referee shirt! What an absolute piece of garbage. Before the game Pott claimed "guys, don't say ANYTHING," Head Marxist likes me. Fuck that Pott, who was the only person in the game to take a penalty? Who was the ref who called that penalty? EXACTLY. He does not like you and you should not like him. His idea of a good time is a concentration camp. This guy makes me never want to play at the township Dek again after this session. He also makes me want to brush my teeth like 6 times a day.
Anyway, we were short so we had 3 forwards and three defensemen and we did the whole rotation thing. It worked out ok but we were tired and hot and it showed late in the second period.
THINGS DID NOT START OUT SO WELL. *sigh* We were down 3-0 after the first period. They were making us look sloppy and stupid. We righted ourselves though and Fennell did some nice fore checking that led to the first goal scored by Tim.
We made it a one goal game on the next shift when Erock Reges made a nice play up the boards out of our own zone and got it to Tim who beat the defender and laced a shot top shelf, far bar.
We were in it, but we were missing some of our key players and we were getting tired. Shortly after they once again make it a 2 goal lead - and then 3, and 4, and 5.
Now down 7-2 we have our work cut out for us and only a short time to go. Pott jumps into the O-zone and makes a nice pass to Fennell who is standing between the circles. He fires one near side for our third goal.
Marky downed a bottle of whiskey the night before and he was a few seconds behind for most of the game until late in the third - he wins the face off in the offensive zone, beats 3 defenders, and puts a nice shot in on the far side to make it a 7-4 game.
Fennell scored another nice goal late in the third on a wicked slapper, but it was too little too late and there would be no more goals scored.
The aforementioned "dick" did play a pivotal role late in the game when he decided to fuck around with the ball behind his own net instead of playing with class and sportsmanship. He held onto it, Fennell went in and tried to take it, then I went in and he dug it out, and fouled Fennell (no call of course), and then brought it back. He was an asshole. Fennell and myself finally had enough and we went to give him a Pattim sandwich with extra dick in the middle, and Fennell ended up crushing not only him, but me too. He was fired up.
Erock knew a few of these dudes and they were high school ice hockey players. I don't give a shit what they were, if we have our normal team we beat these dicks without a problem.
2 games left and we're middle of the pack in the playoff race. If we win the last two we end the season 5-3-2. Not too bad, should get us an ok playoff draw.
Specific Lengths begin next week because of the cancelled games this week.
Random Lengths play at 10:00 next week.
Stats updated on link to your right.
Be sure to check out the post listed below. There is an awesome video at the end of it. Highly recommended that you grab your terrible towel and think about Mike Lange before pressing play.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
UNREAL
A man sits in a dusk lit room leafing through something resembling a Bible. He spoke and it was written in blood - scribed by men with hearts of steel. He arches his neck, straining from the long days and nights. Sleep would do him good - but the others are not resting and he cannot risk falling behind. His dark eyes peer though a set of glasses created to block the sun, but there is no sun - he makes Miles Davis look like the kid with no date at the prom. His nappy hair is trimmed so perfectly it looks like it was painted on with a stencil. He reaches for a glass full of warm amber liquid, but instead chooses to grab the tall bottle sitting next to it and he takes a long drink and finishes what liquor was remaining - he then smashes the bottle over a red, blue, and gray symbol resembling a flying head of a 17th century American soldier. "Fuck...them," he mutters under his breathe.
Another man standing in the room hears The Black Badasses' utterance and he chuckles. He is a jolly man, with rimmed lined glasses that he wears to look intelligent. His book is much simpler, but just as important. He is learning to speak in different tongues in order for his men to better understand his war plan. He glances at a tree outside the window. Soon it will be barren as the world around it hibernates and the air freezes. His plan is much different than the Dark Man, but his goal is the same. Defend his title. "We play on fucking ice" he thinks to himself as a Number 8 flashes through his daydream. This causes him to bury his head in his hand, and he begins rubbing his temples. He too reaches for a drink but his is in the form of a can. A loud crack and fizz is heard as he opens his cold beverage - and proceeds to down the frigid liquid and smash the can on his head, causing a stream of blood to run down his cheek and drip onto his page. He turns to the other man and with a lisp asks him "are you ready?"
They stand up, head butt each other, and then run out of the room screaming. They are ready, their men are ready, are you fucking ready?
Another man standing in the room hears The Black Badasses' utterance and he chuckles. He is a jolly man, with rimmed lined glasses that he wears to look intelligent. His book is much simpler, but just as important. He is learning to speak in different tongues in order for his men to better understand his war plan. He glances at a tree outside the window. Soon it will be barren as the world around it hibernates and the air freezes. His plan is much different than the Dark Man, but his goal is the same. Defend his title. "We play on fucking ice" he thinks to himself as a Number 8 flashes through his daydream. This causes him to bury his head in his hand, and he begins rubbing his temples. He too reaches for a drink but his is in the form of a can. A loud crack and fizz is heard as he opens his cold beverage - and proceeds to down the frigid liquid and smash the can on his head, causing a stream of blood to run down his cheek and drip onto his page. He turns to the other man and with a lisp asks him "are you ready?"
They stand up, head butt each other, and then run out of the room screaming. They are ready, their men are ready, are you fucking ready?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Game Recap 8/22 Vs. Aztecs
Why in the world is Head Marxist reffing games anyway? Is Butler Dek Hockey hurting for employees so badly that they need to hire a washed up, 40 year-old Communist who still lives with his mom and has terrible hygiene? Seriously, he is such a joke he throws his "Ref" status around like he throws his tattered and oil stained Scorpions World Tour 1982 t-shirt into his mom's hamper. "Mom did you wash my Scorps shirt?" "No honey I'm sorry, I didn't get to your laundry this week." "But mommmmm...I have to change the oil and check the spark plugs on the Camaro." What a piece of crap.
Anyway, we had a shortened bench for our August 22nd game, and old T-Mike was delegated back into an offensive role.
Old Randall Shuler once again graced us with his jersey-less presence in net and because of it we had a 56% better chance of winning.
The game did not start out so well. Why does that seem to be a reoccurring statement in these posts? They took a 2-0 lead in the first period and they had us running around like a bunch of homos at an Astroglide Christmas party.
Their defense was tough. They continually stood us up at the center line and they were keeping everything in the zone.
Our biggest advantage - speed- was a non-factor. The Flying Hawaiian was enjoying a Luau on the dek and I swear at one point I saw him place a Lei over Curt's head and give his a kiss on the cheek.
One dude thought it was a skills competition and he made our D look silly a few times.
Any way you look at it they were in complete control of the game.
Curt finally got us on the board early in the second with a nice play by "Who's this Dave?" out of the back field.
Line two took the dek and Trav took off after a loose ball into their zone. Our speed finally prevailed and Trav beat the defender to the ball and played it to the middle. Erock Reges snuck in from the point and put a low-liner toward and into the goal.
Skillz McGee made us look silly off of the ensuing face-off and they once again took the lead. The score at the end of two periods was them 3, us 2, but you would never know that from the final score.
As stated numerous times in these posts - when Random Lengths score, they come in bunches. This is the story of the third period.
Tim and Curt got it going early and Curt tied the game on an excellent shot.
Trav then scored a highlight reel goal by beating a man along the boards, taking the ball to the net only to meet two more defenders, and then pulling a spin-a-rama and sneaking one in on a between the legs shot. He had his arms raised before the ball ever crossed the line.
Curt and Tim scored a few more times and then Goldie went on an offensive tear assisting on one and then putting in a goal of his own to put the game far, far, out of reach.
The game was called early because Marky was thrown out of the game by Marxist because he spoke something democratic, and the Flying Hawaiian thought that instead of us fighting (which we had no intent on doing since we were winning by 6 goals) we should all sit on the beach and share some coconut juice.
All in all, we came on like a hard on in the third period and showed that the better team should and will most times win.
Game Highlights
Stats updated. Game at 4:00 next week.
Anyway, we had a shortened bench for our August 22nd game, and old T-Mike was delegated back into an offensive role.
Old Randall Shuler once again graced us with his jersey-less presence in net and because of it we had a 56% better chance of winning.
The game did not start out so well. Why does that seem to be a reoccurring statement in these posts? They took a 2-0 lead in the first period and they had us running around like a bunch of homos at an Astroglide Christmas party.
Their defense was tough. They continually stood us up at the center line and they were keeping everything in the zone.
Our biggest advantage - speed- was a non-factor. The Flying Hawaiian was enjoying a Luau on the dek and I swear at one point I saw him place a Lei over Curt's head and give his a kiss on the cheek.
One dude thought it was a skills competition and he made our D look silly a few times.
Any way you look at it they were in complete control of the game.
Curt finally got us on the board early in the second with a nice play by "Who's this Dave?" out of the back field.
Line two took the dek and Trav took off after a loose ball into their zone. Our speed finally prevailed and Trav beat the defender to the ball and played it to the middle. Erock Reges snuck in from the point and put a low-liner toward and into the goal.
Skillz McGee made us look silly off of the ensuing face-off and they once again took the lead. The score at the end of two periods was them 3, us 2, but you would never know that from the final score.
As stated numerous times in these posts - when Random Lengths score, they come in bunches. This is the story of the third period.
Tim and Curt got it going early and Curt tied the game on an excellent shot.
Trav then scored a highlight reel goal by beating a man along the boards, taking the ball to the net only to meet two more defenders, and then pulling a spin-a-rama and sneaking one in on a between the legs shot. He had his arms raised before the ball ever crossed the line.
Curt and Tim scored a few more times and then Goldie went on an offensive tear assisting on one and then putting in a goal of his own to put the game far, far, out of reach.
The game was called early because Marky was thrown out of the game by Marxist because he spoke something democratic, and the Flying Hawaiian thought that instead of us fighting (which we had no intent on doing since we were winning by 6 goals) we should all sit on the beach and share some coconut juice.
All in all, we came on like a hard on in the third period and showed that the better team should and will most times win.
Game Highlights
- Randall Shuler was Hasek good in net. He kept us in the game early when we had our thumbs up our asses.
- "Who's this Dave" covers an estimated 15 foot radius - standing still.
- Who would have thought that all of those nights spent playing the ladder game instead of going on dates would actually benefit Curt at some point in his life.
- Trav looks like an IRobot Roomba on speed when he's on the dek.
- Erock scoring in front of his super hot girlfriend.
- Goldie pulling an Urlacher and changing the course of the game.
- Marky's offensive defensive play. I think he blocked like 34 shots.
- Head Marxist is such a dick.
Stats updated. Game at 4:00 next week.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Game Recap 8/15 - VS Green Team
Do you know why they call it "swamp ass?" Have you ever had a case of "Monkey Butt?" How about "crotch rot?"
Imagine a 500 lb. man with all three of those ailments at the same time. Got it? Now, imagine that during this poor obese man's very painful encounter with an inflamed neath er-region, you are tucked up under his balls hanging onto his taint....do you have it? How does it feel? That is what it felt like on the dek and in the bench during our sluggish win over Green Team.
This team was not very good. They DID have not only 1, but TWO Shulers on their team....and anytime you have even one Shuler you instantly have a 56% better chance of winning.
The game started off very slow. Everyone was bogged down by the 23 lbs. of moisture in the air. It was one of those humid days that only us of the east coast can appreciate. If gravity were to change by a mere fraction we could all swim around the atmosphere like we lived in a giant fish bowl.
Fehl had a sweat stream running down his back as soon as he put his shirt on. He looked like he just jumped out of the pool every time he came to the bench.
This was a humid and hot game of epic proportions, and the Green Team was able to stay in the game because of it. We had to dig hard and deep to find the will to win this one, and it was going to have to come from an unexpected source.
The game started slowly as most of our games do. Shoup made some good saves to keep it scoreless in the first. Their goalie, a Shuler, got lucky as we clanged a few off of the posts and crossbars.
Both scoring lines were getting their chances, but because of two "right time right place" shots they had a 2 goal lead early in the second.
A rarity with Random Lengths was taking place, Tim and Curt were playing on the same line and they were making stuff happen.
Fennell got to play forward again and he and Fehl showed made a strong statement for continuing to play together for the rest of the season.
Finally the Shuler dam broke and Fennell blasted one in the far side to make it 1-2.
When the Random Lengths smell blood an onslaught normally ensues.
Someone sneaked a Mexican Jumping Ball onto the dek and Curt was having a hell of a time controlling it for a few minutes. The snake was beaten though as Curt was finally able to settle it and blast one home to make it 2-2.
Curt and Tim hooked up again a few minutes later and then Trav puts a shot in from the point through a screen, and RLs are suddenly the team leading by 2.
Green Team claws back into the game and they tie it with approximately 5 minutes to go in the game.
Hold that thought!! Curt takes the ball from the center line and is 1 on 1 with the goalie. Tim goes toward the net awaiting a possible rebound. Kent King, who works at the local gay bar and wears his sunglasses at night is running as close as he can to Tim, who then proceeds to slash his stick down onto Tim's, just as Curt fires a rifle shot over the near shoulder of Shuler to give the RLs the lead 5-4!
But wait! One of the worst calls of all time?! Yes Fat Ref, I understand that you ate only one baby today and you may still be hungry, but that is a bullshit call.
INTERFERENCE??!! on Tim, no goal, we are now short-handed.
Joke league.
Trav and this other kid decide that they want to play hard because they like to win and be good at things, and Fat Ref doesn't like people being good at things so he throws them out of the game for being "aggressive."
JOKE.
The game ends with us having 4 forwards on the dek hoping for a last second goal. We have like 7 faceoffs in their zone, and we put 88 shots on Shuler but we cannot sneak one in.
OT begins and everyone is tired. Gay Bar Kent and Bucktoothed Benny are chatting about how dumb they are because they attended Butler High School. I opted not to tell them that 90% of our team attended, graduated, graduated college, and now have jobs after their Butler Education - so we must have learned something right. I don't know where you learn to be a gay bouncer, but he must have thousands of dollars in student loans.
The first line makes some stuff happen but no dice. Tim and Chad Scuderi take the ball into the offensive zone, Tim around the net, out front to Chad - BAM! GOAL! GAME WINNER FOR SCUDS!!!! Let's get the fuck out of this heat.
5-4, game in OT.
Imagine a 500 lb. man with all three of those ailments at the same time. Got it? Now, imagine that during this poor obese man's very painful encounter with an inflamed neath er-region, you are tucked up under his balls hanging onto his taint....do you have it? How does it feel? That is what it felt like on the dek and in the bench during our sluggish win over Green Team.
This team was not very good. They DID have not only 1, but TWO Shulers on their team....and anytime you have even one Shuler you instantly have a 56% better chance of winning.
The game started off very slow. Everyone was bogged down by the 23 lbs. of moisture in the air. It was one of those humid days that only us of the east coast can appreciate. If gravity were to change by a mere fraction we could all swim around the atmosphere like we lived in a giant fish bowl.
Fehl had a sweat stream running down his back as soon as he put his shirt on. He looked like he just jumped out of the pool every time he came to the bench.
This was a humid and hot game of epic proportions, and the Green Team was able to stay in the game because of it. We had to dig hard and deep to find the will to win this one, and it was going to have to come from an unexpected source.
The game started slowly as most of our games do. Shoup made some good saves to keep it scoreless in the first. Their goalie, a Shuler, got lucky as we clanged a few off of the posts and crossbars.
Both scoring lines were getting their chances, but because of two "right time right place" shots they had a 2 goal lead early in the second.
A rarity with Random Lengths was taking place, Tim and Curt were playing on the same line and they were making stuff happen.
Fennell got to play forward again and he and Fehl showed made a strong statement for continuing to play together for the rest of the season.
Finally the Shuler dam broke and Fennell blasted one in the far side to make it 1-2.
When the Random Lengths smell blood an onslaught normally ensues.
Someone sneaked a Mexican Jumping Ball onto the dek and Curt was having a hell of a time controlling it for a few minutes. The snake was beaten though as Curt was finally able to settle it and blast one home to make it 2-2.
Curt and Tim hooked up again a few minutes later and then Trav puts a shot in from the point through a screen, and RLs are suddenly the team leading by 2.
Green Team claws back into the game and they tie it with approximately 5 minutes to go in the game.
Hold that thought!! Curt takes the ball from the center line and is 1 on 1 with the goalie. Tim goes toward the net awaiting a possible rebound. Kent King, who works at the local gay bar and wears his sunglasses at night is running as close as he can to Tim, who then proceeds to slash his stick down onto Tim's, just as Curt fires a rifle shot over the near shoulder of Shuler to give the RLs the lead 5-4!
But wait! One of the worst calls of all time?! Yes Fat Ref, I understand that you ate only one baby today and you may still be hungry, but that is a bullshit call.
INTERFERENCE??!! on Tim, no goal, we are now short-handed.
Joke league.
Trav and this other kid decide that they want to play hard because they like to win and be good at things, and Fat Ref doesn't like people being good at things so he throws them out of the game for being "aggressive."
JOKE.
The game ends with us having 4 forwards on the dek hoping for a last second goal. We have like 7 faceoffs in their zone, and we put 88 shots on Shuler but we cannot sneak one in.
OT begins and everyone is tired. Gay Bar Kent and Bucktoothed Benny are chatting about how dumb they are because they attended Butler High School. I opted not to tell them that 90% of our team attended, graduated, graduated college, and now have jobs after their Butler Education - so we must have learned something right. I don't know where you learn to be a gay bouncer, but he must have thousands of dollars in student loans.
The first line makes some stuff happen but no dice. Tim and Chad Scuderi take the ball into the offensive zone, Tim around the net, out front to Chad - BAM! GOAL! GAME WINNER FOR SCUDS!!!! Let's get the fuck out of this heat.
5-4, game in OT.
Monday, August 3, 2009
8/1/2009 Game Recaps
Random Lengths II (FSC)
We ended up playing the same team we played last week in the Township league, with the addition of a few good men. They were definitely a better team with those additional dudes.
We also discovered why Heroine Ref seemed so inclined to make the game as difficult as possible for us last week, and it was because he actually plays for this team. He had to ref last week instead of playing on the account of him being down to only one stamp back remaining for the following week.
They came out with much more energy and skill, and it showed on the score board with us being down 3-0 after the first period.
As it was last week we started to play much better half way through the second, and after two the game was now 4-2.
We made it a one goal game a few minutes into the third period and it was seeming very similar to how things transpired at last week's game where we tied the score at 4 late in the third.
As it turned out fate was not on our side and they ended up being the team to score late in the third, once again giving them a two goal lead which ended up being the final score, 5-3.
They had a few guys on offense who could really move the ball, and our forwards were confused as to who was to get back on D and who was covering what man. We changed our scheme and it showed with them only scoring twice more after the first period.
They were playing a tight man-on-man style of D, and it showed with our two leading scorers Zirn and Sparticuss being held off of the score sheet.
They also had Artus Irbe playing goal for them and he made some spectacular saves, but in most cases was out-shone by Shoup who had nearly 50 shots come his way, turning aside all but 5.
Chad Scuderi made an appearance and his presence on the dek was felt by the opposing team almost immediately with them getting stopped short time and again.
They seem to have it in with these refs as well considering the constant and blatant obstruction by Ben Ba-Donk-a-Dunk and his teammates.
We can speed by any player on their team, and to stop us is to cheat, and that is exactly what they did.
We should have an easy win next week considering the previous results of our next opponent, but we should not take anything for granted considering the following outcome....
Random Lengths (TWP)
Absolute travesty of a game. We were 10 minutes away from getting an easy forfeit win, and we played as if the forfeit had already happened.
The play on both ends of the dek was atrocious. Our defenders were following the ball and not the man. Our offenders could not get a shot through if the opposition was sleeping. We played, looked, and smelled like crap.
Were we tired from playing a game only 3 ours before? If so we're more out of shape than we think because they played the entire game with only one sub. The way we played they could have doubled the score if they had more subs.
Fennell and Trav ended up playing as forwards because of lack of offenders, and the one high point of the day was that Fennell was able to at least put us on the board with what I think was an unassisted goal.
That's really all that I have to say about it. Final score 1-6.
Stats and results updated for both teams on the links to your right.
We ended up playing the same team we played last week in the Township league, with the addition of a few good men. They were definitely a better team with those additional dudes.
We also discovered why Heroine Ref seemed so inclined to make the game as difficult as possible for us last week, and it was because he actually plays for this team. He had to ref last week instead of playing on the account of him being down to only one stamp back remaining for the following week.
They came out with much more energy and skill, and it showed on the score board with us being down 3-0 after the first period.
As it was last week we started to play much better half way through the second, and after two the game was now 4-2.
We made it a one goal game a few minutes into the third period and it was seeming very similar to how things transpired at last week's game where we tied the score at 4 late in the third.
As it turned out fate was not on our side and they ended up being the team to score late in the third, once again giving them a two goal lead which ended up being the final score, 5-3.
They had a few guys on offense who could really move the ball, and our forwards were confused as to who was to get back on D and who was covering what man. We changed our scheme and it showed with them only scoring twice more after the first period.
They were playing a tight man-on-man style of D, and it showed with our two leading scorers Zirn and Sparticuss being held off of the score sheet.
They also had Artus Irbe playing goal for them and he made some spectacular saves, but in most cases was out-shone by Shoup who had nearly 50 shots come his way, turning aside all but 5.
Chad Scuderi made an appearance and his presence on the dek was felt by the opposing team almost immediately with them getting stopped short time and again.
They seem to have it in with these refs as well considering the constant and blatant obstruction by Ben Ba-Donk-a-Dunk and his teammates.
We can speed by any player on their team, and to stop us is to cheat, and that is exactly what they did.
We should have an easy win next week considering the previous results of our next opponent, but we should not take anything for granted considering the following outcome....
Random Lengths (TWP)
Absolute travesty of a game. We were 10 minutes away from getting an easy forfeit win, and we played as if the forfeit had already happened.
The play on both ends of the dek was atrocious. Our defenders were following the ball and not the man. Our offenders could not get a shot through if the opposition was sleeping. We played, looked, and smelled like crap.
Were we tired from playing a game only 3 ours before? If so we're more out of shape than we think because they played the entire game with only one sub. The way we played they could have doubled the score if they had more subs.
Fennell and Trav ended up playing as forwards because of lack of offenders, and the one high point of the day was that Fennell was able to at least put us on the board with what I think was an unassisted goal.
That's really all that I have to say about it. Final score 1-6.
Stats and results updated for both teams on the links to your right.
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