GAMETIME 8:00PM SATURDAY.
TIM
(T)enatively
(I)nto
(M)en
JUSTIN
(J)ustified
(U)sing
(S)ex
(T)o
(I)ntimidate
(N)ordy
CURT
(C)ausing
(U)nreal
(R)etard
(T)ension
NORDY
(N)ever
(O)rally
(R)ectified
(D)ave’s
(Y)earning
CHAD
(C)ontemplated
(H)arboring
(A)nal
(D)aggers
JOHN S.
(J)acked
(O)ver
(H)aving
(N)o
(S)crotum
JOHN L.
(J)oined
(O)regon
(H)omosexual
(N)ational
(L)egion
BRANDON
(B)utler’s
(R)ugby
(A)ndroid
(N)ever
(D)isses
(O)ld
(N)egros
MARK
(M)asterfully
(A)ttained
(R)ear
(K)nighthood
DAVE
(D)ropping
(A)wkward
(V)iral
(E)xcuses
SHAWN
(S)urely
(H)ates
(A)nything
(W)ithout
(N)udity
DONTE
(D)utifully
(O)ffers
k(N)ob-jobs
(T)o
(E)veryone
ROB
(R)aunchy
(O)bsessive
(B)runette
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Game Recap - 10/31/2009 VS Puck Off
Recap thanks to Random Siljander:
The opening crawl on the Butler Dek Hockey webpage reveals that Puck Off has been working on the construction of a new armored dek hockey team which is to be even larger and more powerful than the first Cummings Coffee.
Fearing his arrival, the crew of the new Puck Off informs Darth JBL that the team will be operational on time. Darth JBL, however, informs the goaltender that the Emperor Latte will be arriving soon, and that he is most displeased with his progress, and says, "The Emperor Latte is not as forgiving as I am."
Jedi Guitarist Markus Skywalker, Fehlbacca, Lando Collins, Princess Leia Siljander, C-3PLauer, Rob Wedge and Shoup2-D2 return to the dek in an attempt to rescue Pott Solo from Heroin Ref. Leia Siljander, disguised as a drug enthusiast named Nordy, attempts to secretly free Pott Solo, who had been encased in stamp bags at the end of our last game, only to be discovered and high-sticked by the Kung Fu Pandas soon after. Markus Skywalker then arrives to make one final plea to Heroin Ref to release Pott Solo from the penalty box. Markus Skywalker is also captured and is sent with Pott Solo and the others to the Great Pit of the Head Marxist to be slowly consumed by its disgusting teeth. With the help of Shoup2-D2, Markus Skywalker escapes and a large battle erupts in the far corner. During the battle, Leia Siljander strangles Heroin Ref (fuck off Lady Byng award) and Pott Solo accidentally knocks Fat Ref into the maw of the Head Marxist. Following this, Markus blasts a shot on goal and all of our heroes manage to escape before a penalty is called. End of the first, 0-0.
A massive fleet of players completely surround the boards by the Puck Off bench. As Red Russians slowly descend from the Imperial Dodge Caravan and flank the dek, Darth JBL and the Puck Off goaltender kneel to their master as he is the last to enter the bleachers. He insists that Lord JBL will soon capture Markus Skywalker, and he will learn the Dark Side of dek hockey.
Markus returns to the Dagobench to complete his guitar training, but he finds Jimmy Page is not feeling well. He tells Markus that no other training is required and all that remains to be done is to confront his father, Darth JBL. Jimmy Page then vomits in the corner. The spirit form of Jimi Hendrix then appears and confirms that JBL was once John Bradshaw Layfield, a former WWE wrestler who was turned to the Dark Side of dek hockey. It is also revealed that Leia Siljander is not related to Markus, but hidden from Darth JBL and separated at birth to protect them both from the Emperor Latte.
Meanwhile, the entire Rebel Lengths is meeting in the center of the dek to devise an attack strategy. As part of the attack, Markus and his companions (whom he has now rejoined after leaving the Dagobench) must deactivate the glove generator on the left hand of the goaltender which is projecting a protective shield in the Puck Off goal. During a break in play, Markus and his companions encounter a tribe of Scagglywoks, primitive yet intelligent indigenous forest creatures of Highfield who are watching the game. With the help of C-3PLauer, they are able to forge an alliance with the forest creatures. Later, Markus decides that the time has come for him to face Darth JBL. He confesses to Leia Siljander the truth about JBL, and that he has to try to save the man who was once his father. He pretends to surrender peacefully to Darth JBL and then unsuccessfully tries to convince his father to abandon the Dark Side by running his face into the boards.
They go to the Puck Off defensive zone and meet the Emperor Latte, who reveals that the Rebel Lengths are walking into a trap. In the neutral zone, the Rebels Lengths led by Pott Solo and Leia Siljander try to enter the offensive zone shield only to be stuffed by waiting Puck Off forces. They score some shitty goal. 1-0 turds. Once the teams are led back to the faceoff dot, however, the Scagglywoks then spring a surprise verbal counterattack. A desperate ground battle begins with the Rebel Lengths fighting for a loose ball in front of the Puck Off net. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths are on the board, 1-1. Behind the Rebel Lengths net, the Emperor Latte further seduces Markus with the powers of the Dark Side, and he tries to unleash the team's destructive power on the Rebel Lengths. As Markus Skywalker builds up with anger and rage, he takes his hockeysaber, and begins to slash at the Emperor Latte, but is only stopped by the crimson blade of his father's hockeysaber. Matching minors. End of the second, 1-1.
Darth JBL and Markus start out the third period by continuing their duel in the penalty box. The Rebel Lengths fleet emerge from their defensive zone, only to discover that the shield of the Puck Off glove generator is still functioning. An intense neutral zone battle takes place as the Rebel Lengths fight to give their forwards more time to complete their mission of deactivating the glove generator. During the battle, Puck Off is revealed to be slightly operational as some supershitty assclown shot is directed at the Rebel Lengths net and somehow goes in. 2-1 turds. On the Puck Off bench, the Emperor Latte tempts Markus to give in to his anger. Shouts for an instigator penalty are ignored as usual. Another ferocious hockeysaber duel erupts between Markus and Darth JBL. In the midst of combat, JBL reads Markus's feelings and learns that Markus was born to rock. When JBL toys with the notion of turning Leia Siljander to the dark side, Markus gives in to his anger and gains the upper hand in the battle, pulling Darth JBL's jersey over his head in one swift move, and makes his father succumb to defeat at the mercy of his son's hockey stick. However, despite the Emperor's goading, Marcus refuses to cross-check his father, realizing that he is traveling down his father's path towards the Dark Side, and declares himself a Jedi Guitarist. Upon realizing that Marcus cannot be turned, the Emperor Latte uses Force lightning against him to torture and attempt to kill him. No penalty called. Deeply affected by the sight of his son dying before him, Darth JBL repents and turns on the Emperor Latte, throwing him down the reactor shaft in the women's bathroom. A game misconduct is miraculously called on JBL but the Random Lengths have to serve it. At the same time, however, the Emperor's Force lightning causes fatal injuries to Darth JBL's internal organs which were already damaged from years of steroid use. Knowing that there is no hope for his own survival, JBL asks Markus to take his gloves off. Markus also removes Darth JBL’s helmet, revealing the pale and scarred face of his father. JBL says that Markus was right about him, and asks Markus Skywalker to tell Leia Siljander this. Markus tells him to fuck off. With those final words, Darth JBL dies. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths tie it up at 2-2.
Back in Herman, the beer strike team finally destroys a stubborn keg of Busch. On the dek, the Rebel Lengths fleet seizes the opportunity to launch a final assault on the goaltender. Rob Wedge leads Lando Collins and his fighter group into the defensive bowels of Puck Off and they fire at the goaltender, causing its collapse. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3-2, Lengths. Markus Skywalker, with a stick in one hand and a Stratocaster in the other, escapes Puck Off in a Mazda RX-8. Moments later, Rob Wedge with his Reebok S19 composite stick and Lando Collins with his Easton Synergy emerge from the carnage as well, just as Puck Off implodes. Game over, Random Lengths win 3 to 2. Back on the bench, Leia Siljander reassures Calvin Johnson of her love and reveals to him that she won't cut him from her fantasy team even though he is injured and has been really shitty for most of the year. Markus cremates the remains of his shin pads in the funeral dumpster behind the dek. The entire galaxy celebrates the fall of the Emperor Latte and the Rebel Length's victory over Puck Off. In the parking lot, Markus Skywalker, Leia Siljander, Pott Solo, Lando Collins, and the rest of the Rebel Lengths, along with the Scagglywoks, celebrate the victory as well. During the celebration, Markus Skywalker catches sight of the spirit figures of Chad Scuderi, Harry Potter, and Christopher Reeves, who look proudly on him.
The opening crawl on the Butler Dek Hockey webpage reveals that Puck Off has been working on the construction of a new armored dek hockey team which is to be even larger and more powerful than the first Cummings Coffee.
Fearing his arrival, the crew of the new Puck Off informs Darth JBL that the team will be operational on time. Darth JBL, however, informs the goaltender that the Emperor Latte will be arriving soon, and that he is most displeased with his progress, and says, "The Emperor Latte is not as forgiving as I am."
Jedi Guitarist Markus Skywalker, Fehlbacca, Lando Collins, Princess Leia Siljander, C-3PLauer, Rob Wedge and Shoup2-D2 return to the dek in an attempt to rescue Pott Solo from Heroin Ref. Leia Siljander, disguised as a drug enthusiast named Nordy, attempts to secretly free Pott Solo, who had been encased in stamp bags at the end of our last game, only to be discovered and high-sticked by the Kung Fu Pandas soon after. Markus Skywalker then arrives to make one final plea to Heroin Ref to release Pott Solo from the penalty box. Markus Skywalker is also captured and is sent with Pott Solo and the others to the Great Pit of the Head Marxist to be slowly consumed by its disgusting teeth. With the help of Shoup2-D2, Markus Skywalker escapes and a large battle erupts in the far corner. During the battle, Leia Siljander strangles Heroin Ref (fuck off Lady Byng award) and Pott Solo accidentally knocks Fat Ref into the maw of the Head Marxist. Following this, Markus blasts a shot on goal and all of our heroes manage to escape before a penalty is called. End of the first, 0-0.
A massive fleet of players completely surround the boards by the Puck Off bench. As Red Russians slowly descend from the Imperial Dodge Caravan and flank the dek, Darth JBL and the Puck Off goaltender kneel to their master as he is the last to enter the bleachers. He insists that Lord JBL will soon capture Markus Skywalker, and he will learn the Dark Side of dek hockey.
Markus returns to the Dagobench to complete his guitar training, but he finds Jimmy Page is not feeling well. He tells Markus that no other training is required and all that remains to be done is to confront his father, Darth JBL. Jimmy Page then vomits in the corner. The spirit form of Jimi Hendrix then appears and confirms that JBL was once John Bradshaw Layfield, a former WWE wrestler who was turned to the Dark Side of dek hockey. It is also revealed that Leia Siljander is not related to Markus, but hidden from Darth JBL and separated at birth to protect them both from the Emperor Latte.
Meanwhile, the entire Rebel Lengths is meeting in the center of the dek to devise an attack strategy. As part of the attack, Markus and his companions (whom he has now rejoined after leaving the Dagobench) must deactivate the glove generator on the left hand of the goaltender which is projecting a protective shield in the Puck Off goal. During a break in play, Markus and his companions encounter a tribe of Scagglywoks, primitive yet intelligent indigenous forest creatures of Highfield who are watching the game. With the help of C-3PLauer, they are able to forge an alliance with the forest creatures. Later, Markus decides that the time has come for him to face Darth JBL. He confesses to Leia Siljander the truth about JBL, and that he has to try to save the man who was once his father. He pretends to surrender peacefully to Darth JBL and then unsuccessfully tries to convince his father to abandon the Dark Side by running his face into the boards.
They go to the Puck Off defensive zone and meet the Emperor Latte, who reveals that the Rebel Lengths are walking into a trap. In the neutral zone, the Rebels Lengths led by Pott Solo and Leia Siljander try to enter the offensive zone shield only to be stuffed by waiting Puck Off forces. They score some shitty goal. 1-0 turds. Once the teams are led back to the faceoff dot, however, the Scagglywoks then spring a surprise verbal counterattack. A desperate ground battle begins with the Rebel Lengths fighting for a loose ball in front of the Puck Off net. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths are on the board, 1-1. Behind the Rebel Lengths net, the Emperor Latte further seduces Markus with the powers of the Dark Side, and he tries to unleash the team's destructive power on the Rebel Lengths. As Markus Skywalker builds up with anger and rage, he takes his hockeysaber, and begins to slash at the Emperor Latte, but is only stopped by the crimson blade of his father's hockeysaber. Matching minors. End of the second, 1-1.
Darth JBL and Markus start out the third period by continuing their duel in the penalty box. The Rebel Lengths fleet emerge from their defensive zone, only to discover that the shield of the Puck Off glove generator is still functioning. An intense neutral zone battle takes place as the Rebel Lengths fight to give their forwards more time to complete their mission of deactivating the glove generator. During the battle, Puck Off is revealed to be slightly operational as some supershitty assclown shot is directed at the Rebel Lengths net and somehow goes in. 2-1 turds. On the Puck Off bench, the Emperor Latte tempts Markus to give in to his anger. Shouts for an instigator penalty are ignored as usual. Another ferocious hockeysaber duel erupts between Markus and Darth JBL. In the midst of combat, JBL reads Markus's feelings and learns that Markus was born to rock. When JBL toys with the notion of turning Leia Siljander to the dark side, Markus gives in to his anger and gains the upper hand in the battle, pulling Darth JBL's jersey over his head in one swift move, and makes his father succumb to defeat at the mercy of his son's hockey stick. However, despite the Emperor's goading, Marcus refuses to cross-check his father, realizing that he is traveling down his father's path towards the Dark Side, and declares himself a Jedi Guitarist. Upon realizing that Marcus cannot be turned, the Emperor Latte uses Force lightning against him to torture and attempt to kill him. No penalty called. Deeply affected by the sight of his son dying before him, Darth JBL repents and turns on the Emperor Latte, throwing him down the reactor shaft in the women's bathroom. A game misconduct is miraculously called on JBL but the Random Lengths have to serve it. At the same time, however, the Emperor's Force lightning causes fatal injuries to Darth JBL's internal organs which were already damaged from years of steroid use. Knowing that there is no hope for his own survival, JBL asks Markus to take his gloves off. Markus also removes Darth JBL’s helmet, revealing the pale and scarred face of his father. JBL says that Markus was right about him, and asks Markus Skywalker to tell Leia Siljander this. Markus tells him to fuck off. With those final words, Darth JBL dies. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lengths tie it up at 2-2.
Back in Herman, the beer strike team finally destroys a stubborn keg of Busch. On the dek, the Rebel Lengths fleet seizes the opportunity to launch a final assault on the goaltender. Rob Wedge leads Lando Collins and his fighter group into the defensive bowels of Puck Off and they fire at the goaltender, causing its collapse. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3-2, Lengths. Markus Skywalker, with a stick in one hand and a Stratocaster in the other, escapes Puck Off in a Mazda RX-8. Moments later, Rob Wedge with his Reebok S19 composite stick and Lando Collins with his Easton Synergy emerge from the carnage as well, just as Puck Off implodes. Game over, Random Lengths win 3 to 2. Back on the bench, Leia Siljander reassures Calvin Johnson of her love and reveals to him that she won't cut him from her fantasy team even though he is injured and has been really shitty for most of the year. Markus cremates the remains of his shin pads in the funeral dumpster behind the dek. The entire galaxy celebrates the fall of the Emperor Latte and the Rebel Length's victory over Puck Off. In the parking lot, Markus Skywalker, Leia Siljander, Pott Solo, Lando Collins, and the rest of the Rebel Lengths, along with the Scagglywoks, celebrate the victory as well. During the celebration, Markus Skywalker catches sight of the spirit figures of Chad Scuderi, Harry Potter, and Christopher Reeves, who look proudly on him.
Monday, October 26, 2009
GAME RECAP 10/24/2009 VS.
We won 13-2. I was not there, but I was able to find some photos of our opponents.
Obviously it was a cakewalk.
We scored a bunch of goals.
Dave finally got on the board, nice work buddy.
We're 3-0 on the season.
These guys really enjoyed it.
"Hey, which one of you is a deuschbag?"
Next game is this saturday on Halloween. Rick Double sent me a text message and encouraged our team to wear a costume - I already have mine, I'm going as a piece of shit (shown below):
Nice work fellas.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Game Recap - 10/18/2009 VS. Kung Fu Pandas
A random narrative - by Justin Pott:
You, great sir, may get creative with one named recap - I for one, am not good with such endeavors.
We were victorious 7 goals to their 6 goals in what some callgood for hockey the "Shootout."
NO more will you sacrifice only 3 shooters - oh no. So this competition still could end in a draw.
0-0 after one 10 minute time-frame. Suddenly we are ahead of the foe by four goals, thanks in part to a slick wrister from Chad and two scores from Lauer in 1/2 a minute.
We successfully killed a penalty infraction, I, score off of the face-off.
Ease was not on the menu on this fine day, as they roar back with some soft scores to close the proverbial "gap" to 1 goal - 4-3 after 20 minutes of play.
I then caress a pass from Rob and proceed to conquor the goalie a second time.
They once again cause hysteria, scoring to make it 5-4.
Gavin dutifully and graciously one-times a pass to bring our total to 6, only to be followed by 2 more soft goals from the Pandas, tieing the score with less than 60 seconds to play.
Lauer, Brandon, and myself respectively were the shooters, Brandon was the lone champion as he succeeded in scoring 5 hole.
We had a 56% better chance of defeating the Pandas because a Shuler graced us with his precense between the pipes, and he held them to zero goals in the aforementioned shootout.
Lines consisted of Lauer and Brandon on the attack, with Dave and Shoup defending - and Gavin and myself playing the role of 2nd line, with Rob and Chad backstopping us.
Stats updated, guys that were there want to count goals for shootouts - so we did.
You, great sir, may get creative with one named recap - I for one, am not good with such endeavors.
We were victorious 7 goals to their 6 goals in what some call
NO more will you sacrifice only 3 shooters - oh no. So this competition still could end in a draw.
0-0 after one 10 minute time-frame. Suddenly we are ahead of the foe by four goals, thanks in part to a slick wrister from Chad and two scores from Lauer in 1/2 a minute.
We successfully killed a penalty infraction, I, score off of the face-off.
Ease was not on the menu on this fine day, as they roar back with some soft scores to close the proverbial "gap" to 1 goal - 4-3 after 20 minutes of play.
I then caress a pass from Rob and proceed to conquor the goalie a second time.
They once again cause hysteria, scoring to make it 5-4.
Gavin dutifully and graciously one-times a pass to bring our total to 6, only to be followed by 2 more soft goals from the Pandas, tieing the score with less than 60 seconds to play.
Lauer, Brandon, and myself respectively were the shooters, Brandon was the lone champion as he succeeded in scoring 5 hole.
We had a 56% better chance of defeating the Pandas because a Shuler graced us with his precense between the pipes, and he held them to zero goals in the aforementioned shootout.
Lines consisted of Lauer and Brandon on the attack, with Dave and Shoup defending - and Gavin and myself playing the role of 2nd line, with Rob and Chad backstopping us.
Stats updated, guys that were there want to count goals for shootouts - so we did.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Game Recap 10/10 vs. Pucking Sweet
Once upon a time on a less-than stellar hockey rink, an Owner's son grew up happy and contented, in spite of a ravenous opposition. He was very pretty, with blue eyes and brown hair. His skin was delicate, and he was called Little Double. Everyone was quite sure he would become a professional. Though the opposition was on average 10 years older than him, they too came to play and play well, and their magic stick told them this every day.
"Random Length on the wall, who is the best team in all of Butler Township?" The reply was; "Not you guys, yinz are at best ranked 24th." in it's Western Pennsylvania accent, until the dreadful day when they heard it say, "Pucking sweet is Pucking 24th best, yinz are 25th." The team was furious and, wild with jealousy, began plotting to beat their tiny rivals. Calling on their trusty "B" division compadres - Rob, Donte, Shawn, and John - they bribed them with a rich reward to take the little boy into the forest, and far away from the Lengths. Then, unseen, they were to call him names like "Poo poo face" and "squirrley." The B-Men agreed to do this, however, when they came to the fatal spot, their courage failed them, and they left him sit beside a tree, in the forest all alone, and they went off and drank beers in the parking lot.
Night came, and the B-Men soaked in their own urine and booze, never returned. Little Double, alone in the dark forest, began to cry bitterly. He thought he could feel terrible eyes spying on him, and he heard cracking high pitched voices, from what he could translate were talking about somone's mom's boobs and video games. At last, overcome by tiredness, he fell asleep curled under a tree.
At last, dawn woke the forest to the song of passing traffic and AM radio, and Little Double too, awoke. A whole world was stirring to life and the little boy was glad to see how silly his fears had been. However, the thick jagger bushes were like a wall around him, and as he tried to find out where he was, he came upon a quad-trail. He walked along it, hoping that someone was playing paintball so that they could save him. On he walked until he came to a clearing. There stood a strange cabin with Kanye West posters and a "Boys Only" sign on the front door. It had a tiny door, tiny windows, and a tiny chimney pot. Everything about the cottage was much tinier than normal, just his size. Little Double pushed the door open.
"I wonder who lives here, it's a pucking sweet pad," he said to himself, peering into a Playboy someone had obviously stolen from their dad. "What tiny cups! And forks! And they have an Xbox, Playstation, and a Wii, with 12 controllers!" Upstairs past the Fergie poster he saw 12 beds. Going back to the kitchen, Little Double had an idea. "I'll make them dinner!" "When they come home they'll be glad to have a nice meal."
Toward dusk, 12 tiny men march homewards singing. But when they opened the door, to their surprise they found a hot bowl of Mac N Cheese and a hot dog on the table. Upstairs was Little Double, fast asleep on the bed with Spider Man sheets. The chief little man prodded him gently.
"Who are you?" he asked. Little Double told them his sad story, and the little men were so angry their voices were cracking so bad that they sounded like a flock of geese after a piece of bread. Then one of them said "Let's beat them! We are also a hockey team!"
"Hooray! Hooray! Pucking Sweet!" They cheered, dancing like little white kids around Little Double.
The little men said to LD, "we will help you defeat the evil opposition, don't worry about them. We love you and we will take care of you!" LD gratefully accepted their offer, and the next morning when they set off for swim class at the YMCA, they warned LD not to open the door to strangers.
Meanwhile, the B-Men returned to the bar and told the opposition that they had completed the task and the reason they were hung-over is because they were celebrating their accomplishment. The opposition was pleased, until they again asked the Random Length, "who now is 24th best in Butler Township?" and the Length responded telling them that it still belonged to Pucking Sweet. "LD lives with the 12 dwarves in the woods." It said. The opposition were beside themselves with rage.
"WE ARE THE 24TH RANKED TEAM!" they screamed. They developed a fail-proof plan to rid the dek of LD once and for all.
Disguising themselves as Tom Brady, Tony Hawk, Miley Cyrus, and the guy that invented World of War Craft; Nordoski, Markus Regulan, Pott Potterson, and Dave put a poisoned Fun-Dip with the others in their basket. Then, taking the quickest way to Highfield, via 422, they crossed the swamp at the edge of the trees near the little cabin.
LD was playing Halo 2 when he heard the sound at the door; KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Who's there?" he called suspiciously, remembering the little boys' advice.
"It's me Tom Brady" Nordoski said in his gayest voice. "I have some extra fun dip if you're interested."
"I don't need any, thank you," LD replied, "I just ate 5 pixie sticks."
"But they are a new flavor, they're soooooooo good, and I invented WOW," Dave harkened.
LD loved WOW so he belived the oppostition and he excitedly came out of the cabin. LD was just about to lick the Dip-Stick when a furry of pimples flew from out of the woods.
"Don't do it!!" yelled one little boy, with his dad cheering him on. "These guys are mean, and they have actually seen a REAL girl naked!" yelled another little boy. "We are now a part of LD's hockey team, and we will beat you Miley Cyrus!!" "It's on!" replied Pott Potterson. "Tonight, you meet your final resting place!"
The night was perfect. Cool, no wind or rain. "A perfect night to show that we are actually the 24th best team in all of Butler Township!" yelled Chad Scuderian.
The game was tense. Random Lengths took a 1-0 lead in the first off of a goal by Zieg Fehl, and Shoop Shoup kept everything out of his own net. Pucking Sweet tied it early in the second, but then B-Team leader Collins Bonniebrook and Pott Potterson tallied goals to put the lengths back in the lead for good.
Markus Regulan scored a fairytale goal on the backhand from his knees, and Dave played a smart game, he really used his head.
Timjunior of Hattzdom and Donte Stallworth offered the final blow when they jumped in an SUV, drove it onto the dek and hit LD, knocking him out at center ice.
He lay there motionless, until another member of B-Team, Rob Indahood, proceeded to attempt to face wash LD with a fart. Sadly, his attempt at a fart turned sour and his harmless passing of gas turned into a full splatter house all over LD. This, coupled by an open mouth kiss from one of the other boys, woke LD, and to his horror, his team had dropped to being ranked 25th in Butler Township, and the Random Length was happy, but then got destroyed by some kids pissed off dad.
Stats updated on link to the right.
"Random Length on the wall, who is the best team in all of Butler Township?" The reply was; "Not you guys, yinz are at best ranked 24th." in it's Western Pennsylvania accent, until the dreadful day when they heard it say, "Pucking sweet is Pucking 24th best, yinz are 25th." The team was furious and, wild with jealousy, began plotting to beat their tiny rivals. Calling on their trusty "B" division compadres - Rob, Donte, Shawn, and John - they bribed them with a rich reward to take the little boy into the forest, and far away from the Lengths. Then, unseen, they were to call him names like "Poo poo face" and "squirrley." The B-Men agreed to do this, however, when they came to the fatal spot, their courage failed them, and they left him sit beside a tree, in the forest all alone, and they went off and drank beers in the parking lot.
Night came, and the B-Men soaked in their own urine and booze, never returned. Little Double, alone in the dark forest, began to cry bitterly. He thought he could feel terrible eyes spying on him, and he heard cracking high pitched voices, from what he could translate were talking about somone's mom's boobs and video games. At last, overcome by tiredness, he fell asleep curled under a tree.
At last, dawn woke the forest to the song of passing traffic and AM radio, and Little Double too, awoke. A whole world was stirring to life and the little boy was glad to see how silly his fears had been. However, the thick jagger bushes were like a wall around him, and as he tried to find out where he was, he came upon a quad-trail. He walked along it, hoping that someone was playing paintball so that they could save him. On he walked until he came to a clearing. There stood a strange cabin with Kanye West posters and a "Boys Only" sign on the front door. It had a tiny door, tiny windows, and a tiny chimney pot. Everything about the cottage was much tinier than normal, just his size. Little Double pushed the door open.
"I wonder who lives here, it's a pucking sweet pad," he said to himself, peering into a Playboy someone had obviously stolen from their dad. "What tiny cups! And forks! And they have an Xbox, Playstation, and a Wii, with 12 controllers!" Upstairs past the Fergie poster he saw 12 beds. Going back to the kitchen, Little Double had an idea. "I'll make them dinner!" "When they come home they'll be glad to have a nice meal."
Toward dusk, 12 tiny men march homewards singing. But when they opened the door, to their surprise they found a hot bowl of Mac N Cheese and a hot dog on the table. Upstairs was Little Double, fast asleep on the bed with Spider Man sheets. The chief little man prodded him gently.
"Who are you?" he asked. Little Double told them his sad story, and the little men were so angry their voices were cracking so bad that they sounded like a flock of geese after a piece of bread. Then one of them said "Let's beat them! We are also a hockey team!"
"Hooray! Hooray! Pucking Sweet!" They cheered, dancing like little white kids around Little Double.
The little men said to LD, "we will help you defeat the evil opposition, don't worry about them. We love you and we will take care of you!" LD gratefully accepted their offer, and the next morning when they set off for swim class at the YMCA, they warned LD not to open the door to strangers.
Meanwhile, the B-Men returned to the bar and told the opposition that they had completed the task and the reason they were hung-over is because they were celebrating their accomplishment. The opposition was pleased, until they again asked the Random Length, "who now is 24th best in Butler Township?" and the Length responded telling them that it still belonged to Pucking Sweet. "LD lives with the 12 dwarves in the woods." It said. The opposition were beside themselves with rage.
"WE ARE THE 24TH RANKED TEAM!" they screamed. They developed a fail-proof plan to rid the dek of LD once and for all.
Disguising themselves as Tom Brady, Tony Hawk, Miley Cyrus, and the guy that invented World of War Craft; Nordoski, Markus Regulan, Pott Potterson, and Dave put a poisoned Fun-Dip with the others in their basket. Then, taking the quickest way to Highfield, via 422, they crossed the swamp at the edge of the trees near the little cabin.
LD was playing Halo 2 when he heard the sound at the door; KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Who's there?" he called suspiciously, remembering the little boys' advice.
"It's me Tom Brady" Nordoski said in his gayest voice. "I have some extra fun dip if you're interested."
"I don't need any, thank you," LD replied, "I just ate 5 pixie sticks."
"But they are a new flavor, they're soooooooo good, and I invented WOW," Dave harkened.
LD loved WOW so he belived the oppostition and he excitedly came out of the cabin. LD was just about to lick the Dip-Stick when a furry of pimples flew from out of the woods.
"Don't do it!!" yelled one little boy, with his dad cheering him on. "These guys are mean, and they have actually seen a REAL girl naked!" yelled another little boy. "We are now a part of LD's hockey team, and we will beat you Miley Cyrus!!" "It's on!" replied Pott Potterson. "Tonight, you meet your final resting place!"
The night was perfect. Cool, no wind or rain. "A perfect night to show that we are actually the 24th best team in all of Butler Township!" yelled Chad Scuderian.
The game was tense. Random Lengths took a 1-0 lead in the first off of a goal by Zieg Fehl, and Shoop Shoup kept everything out of his own net. Pucking Sweet tied it early in the second, but then B-Team leader Collins Bonniebrook and Pott Potterson tallied goals to put the lengths back in the lead for good.
Markus Regulan scored a fairytale goal on the backhand from his knees, and Dave played a smart game, he really used his head.
Timjunior of Hattzdom and Donte Stallworth offered the final blow when they jumped in an SUV, drove it onto the dek and hit LD, knocking him out at center ice.
He lay there motionless, until another member of B-Team, Rob Indahood, proceeded to attempt to face wash LD with a fart. Sadly, his attempt at a fart turned sour and his harmless passing of gas turned into a full splatter house all over LD. This, coupled by an open mouth kiss from one of the other boys, woke LD, and to his horror, his team had dropped to being ranked 25th in Butler Township, and the Random Length was happy, but then got destroyed by some kids pissed off dad.
Stats updated on link to the right.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
FALL 2009 SCHEDULE POSTED
Check Random Stats/Results for schedule until the Township website updates things on their end, things begin this weekend (10/2) at 8:00PM.
Also updated photos and a few player profiles on the Player Profiles page.
A few thoughts regarding the up and coming session:
First off, great to have a few fresh faces on the team. Hopefully Rob, Donte, Shawn, and Lauer are the Hanson Brothers to our Chiefs team - and they can help us finally overcome the first round playoff defeat blues.
Secondly, why don't I recognize most of these team names? Are they new teams or did old teams change their names?
Thirdly, why are there so many similarities in these teams' names? For example, we play against GREEN team, and then also against GREEN Massacre. They obviously love the color green or they're really into saving the planet.
Then we play PUCKING sweet - followed by PUCK off. Wow gents, great use of the word "puck" in the context where it closely relates to the word fuck. It works for me, but what is the chance that two new teams both use the same idea?
Week two we faceoff against the Kung Fu Pandas - possibly referencing the movie with Jack Black, possibly trying to be funny, or is it possible that they are actually Pandas who know Kung Fu? This name has some Asian ties - and so does the team we play week 5, PI BUN-YUN. Maybe i'm missing something, but that sure sounds like something being stated in a Chinese/Japanese/Korean tone.
Sadly that's not all. We also play the Good Fellas in week 3, followed by the Goon Squad in week 7. Both of course including Mob and "badguy" connotations.
Fuck these guys, let's win this shit.
Also updated photos and a few player profiles on the Player Profiles page.
A few thoughts regarding the up and coming session:
First off, great to have a few fresh faces on the team. Hopefully Rob, Donte, Shawn, and Lauer are the Hanson Brothers to our Chiefs team - and they can help us finally overcome the first round playoff defeat blues.
Secondly, why don't I recognize most of these team names? Are they new teams or did old teams change their names?
Thirdly, why are there so many similarities in these teams' names? For example, we play against GREEN team, and then also against GREEN Massacre. They obviously love the color green or they're really into saving the planet.
Then we play PUCKING sweet - followed by PUCK off. Wow gents, great use of the word "puck" in the context where it closely relates to the word fuck. It works for me, but what is the chance that two new teams both use the same idea?
Week two we faceoff against the Kung Fu Pandas - possibly referencing the movie with Jack Black, possibly trying to be funny, or is it possible that they are actually Pandas who know Kung Fu? This name has some Asian ties - and so does the team we play week 5, PI BUN-YUN. Maybe i'm missing something, but that sure sounds like something being stated in a Chinese/Japanese/Korean tone.
Sadly that's not all. We also play the Good Fellas in week 3, followed by the Goon Squad in week 7. Both of course including Mob and "badguy" connotations.
Fuck these guys, let's win this shit.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Player Bios
I created an additional link, found here: Random Length's Player Bios, and also in the "Random Links" section on the right. Please update me on your bio questions as soon as you have the chance. Thanks.
Let me know if I made any mistakes or if you have any ideas on how we can make things better. Thanks again dudes.
Also, Pay Pott if you plan on playing next session.
Let me know if I made any mistakes or if you have any ideas on how we can make things better. Thanks again dudes.
Also, Pay Pott if you plan on playing next session.
Monday, September 28, 2009
SUMMER SESSION 2009 AWARDS
The following are awards voted on by the players of The Random Length's Hockey Club. All results are final.
For the first time we actually had a few ties - although regarding the Art Ross, the NHL rules stipulate three tiebreakers in case two or more players are tied in points:
1. Player with most goals.
2. Player with fewer games played.
3. Player scoring first goal of the season (not sure what this means).
So Curt actually won the Art Ross - but he sent both names over on the email so I left it how it was - plus I like to see my name in print.
Other than that, it looks like we had 1 first time winner and a couple repeat winners. Congratulations go out to Nordo for winning back-to-back Lady Byng awards. He is very gentlemanly.
Next session starts in the next few weeks. Pay Pott.
For the first time we actually had a few ties - although regarding the Art Ross, the NHL rules stipulate three tiebreakers in case two or more players are tied in points:
1. Player with most goals.
2. Player with fewer games played.
3. Player scoring first goal of the season (not sure what this means).
So Curt actually won the Art Ross - but he sent both names over on the email so I left it how it was - plus I like to see my name in print.
Other than that, it looks like we had 1 first time winner and a couple repeat winners. Congratulations go out to Nordo for winning back-to-back Lady Byng awards. He is very gentlemanly.
Next session starts in the next few weeks. Pay Pott.
Art Ross Trophy-Most points scored at the end of the session.
CURTIS CAROTHERS/TIM REGES
The Maurice Richard Trophy-Team's top goal scorer.
CURTIS CAROTHERS
Hart Memorial Trophy-Most Valuable Player to his team.
CURTIS CAROTHERS/TIM REGES
Vezina-Goalkeeper judged to be the best at his position.
JOHN SHOUP
James Norris Memorial Trophy-Team's best defensive player.
RYAN GOLD
Lady Byng-Player exhibiting the best sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct.
NORDY SILJANDER/DAVE
Frank J. Selke Trophy-Defenseman who best excels in the offensive aspects of the game.
TRAVIS REGES
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Off Week: Check out this Video
This was posted on Pensblog, it's a solid piece of work bringing back some memories from the Civic/Mellon Arena. Definitely brought some chills. Mario's goal in the All-Star game - un-fucking-real.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Game Recap 9/19/09 Playoffs Vs. Cougars
BUTLER (AP) - The Cougars don't need to give goalie "Looks like a Baby but is actually really old" much help these days. A strategical adjustment by 1 mohawk 0 girlfriends (1M0G) and a fortuitious shot provided exactly that.
1M0G's power-play goal early in the third period put the Cougars back in the lead and the Cougars had something to cheer about on a Saturday night for the first time in nearly five years, beating the Playoff snoozer Random Lengths 3-2.
"I'm afraid of grown men so I wear a helmet with a cage" scored the Cougars first goal, then set up 1M0G's game winner about 5 1/2 minutes into the final period with a cross-dek pass that 1M0G one-timed over goalie John Shoup's right shoulder.
"We switched me off the top power play unit because they were taking me away," 1M0G said, referring to a Random Length's defense that collapsed on him when he got the puck. "You would rather have me shooting. They did their homework. They allowed me to shoot the puck a lot and I missed 49 of 50 shots, but I found a way to sneak one in."
Random Length's coach Justin Pott preferred to call it a soft goal rather than a sneaky one.
"They got a lucky bounce and when you talk about soft goals, that was one you would call a soft goal," Pott said.
With Old Man Baby making 30 saves to win his fouth in a row, the Cougars ended a 0-5 winless playoff run since they last won there December 2, 2000.
Carothers returned again Saturday after missing one game with Flu-like symptoms, but was held without a goal for the first game this season.
"We've been trying to get on a roll," Old Man Baby said. "We almost let this team of scrubs beat us tonight. I mean, only 3 of their players play on two dek hockey teams! We can't lose to them. They don't love dek hockey as much as we do," he continued. "Look at our group of guys, there's only 3 guys on our team that DON'T play for 3 teams, and they at least play for two. They must have lives or something, I don't know," he concluded.
Tim Reges deflected a Brandon Fehl shot off of his foot to tie the game in the first, a rarity for a Random Length's team that normally does not score until mid-way through the second period.
"We had some good opportunities and the last couple of games we've been having a hard time finishing," said Length's forward Markie Reges, whose team has advanced past the first round of the playoffs only once. "We're creating a lot but not finishing."
The Length's were short-handed for the majority of the game. They also failed to generate any momentum after Tim Reges once again tied the score, this time at 2, when he converted a break-away late in the second.
The score may make the game seem closer than it actually was. If not for defensive mastery by "Who's this Dave?", Pott, Erock Reges, and Goldie this game could have been a lot worse than it was.
"I just love to play the game," Dave said. "And don't ask me how I keep my hat on my head because most of the time I don't even know. And NO, I do not use Bobby Pins!"
Shoup, who made a triumphant return last week from vacation, made 35 saves and was strong when the Cougars were on the power play. "It didn't go the way I would have liked it to go," Shoup said. "I don't think that's the best I can bring."
The Random Length's players tend to disagree. "He held us in the game when we were playing poorly and leaving him out to dry," Nordy Siljander said. "We continued to take penalties and Shoup stood tall. It would have been a much different game without Shoup backstopping us. Shoup somehow sees the play before it happens, it's amazing," Siljander concluded.
Tim Reges' 10th goal of the season tied the game in the second, and not long after Old Man Baby made the save of the night by throwing out his glove to stop Ryan Gold's shot into what looked to be an open net. Old Man Baby had a 1.92 goals-against average in winning each of his previous three starts, 1 in each league, and 3 just on this day.
1M0G put the Cougars up midway through the third with a wrist shot from between the circles that Shoup barely saw.
Notes: Random Length's leading scorer Curtis Carothers had an estimated 15 beers before the game...The Cougars scored a power play goal for the 18th in 19 games...The combined number of games played for each person on each team for the weekend - Random Length's - 13, Cougars - 76...Siljander, playing with a bruised foot, was also shut out for the game after scoring twice in his previous game.
1M0G's power-play goal early in the third period put the Cougars back in the lead and the Cougars had something to cheer about on a Saturday night for the first time in nearly five years, beating the Playoff snoozer Random Lengths 3-2.
"I'm afraid of grown men so I wear a helmet with a cage" scored the Cougars first goal, then set up 1M0G's game winner about 5 1/2 minutes into the final period with a cross-dek pass that 1M0G one-timed over goalie John Shoup's right shoulder.
"We switched me off the top power play unit because they were taking me away," 1M0G said, referring to a Random Length's defense that collapsed on him when he got the puck. "You would rather have me shooting. They did their homework. They allowed me to shoot the puck a lot and I missed 49 of 50 shots, but I found a way to sneak one in."
Random Length's coach Justin Pott preferred to call it a soft goal rather than a sneaky one.
"They got a lucky bounce and when you talk about soft goals, that was one you would call a soft goal," Pott said.
With Old Man Baby making 30 saves to win his fouth in a row, the Cougars ended a 0-5 winless playoff run since they last won there December 2, 2000.
Carothers returned again Saturday after missing one game with Flu-like symptoms, but was held without a goal for the first game this season.
"We've been trying to get on a roll," Old Man Baby said. "We almost let this team of scrubs beat us tonight. I mean, only 3 of their players play on two dek hockey teams! We can't lose to them. They don't love dek hockey as much as we do," he continued. "Look at our group of guys, there's only 3 guys on our team that DON'T play for 3 teams, and they at least play for two. They must have lives or something, I don't know," he concluded.
Tim Reges deflected a Brandon Fehl shot off of his foot to tie the game in the first, a rarity for a Random Length's team that normally does not score until mid-way through the second period.
"We had some good opportunities and the last couple of games we've been having a hard time finishing," said Length's forward Markie Reges, whose team has advanced past the first round of the playoffs only once. "We're creating a lot but not finishing."
The Length's were short-handed for the majority of the game. They also failed to generate any momentum after Tim Reges once again tied the score, this time at 2, when he converted a break-away late in the second.
The score may make the game seem closer than it actually was. If not for defensive mastery by "Who's this Dave?", Pott, Erock Reges, and Goldie this game could have been a lot worse than it was.
"I just love to play the game," Dave said. "And don't ask me how I keep my hat on my head because most of the time I don't even know. And NO, I do not use Bobby Pins!"
Shoup, who made a triumphant return last week from vacation, made 35 saves and was strong when the Cougars were on the power play. "It didn't go the way I would have liked it to go," Shoup said. "I don't think that's the best I can bring."
The Random Length's players tend to disagree. "He held us in the game when we were playing poorly and leaving him out to dry," Nordy Siljander said. "We continued to take penalties and Shoup stood tall. It would have been a much different game without Shoup backstopping us. Shoup somehow sees the play before it happens, it's amazing," Siljander concluded.
Tim Reges' 10th goal of the season tied the game in the second, and not long after Old Man Baby made the save of the night by throwing out his glove to stop Ryan Gold's shot into what looked to be an open net. Old Man Baby had a 1.92 goals-against average in winning each of his previous three starts, 1 in each league, and 3 just on this day.
1M0G put the Cougars up midway through the third with a wrist shot from between the circles that Shoup barely saw.
Notes: Random Length's leading scorer Curtis Carothers had an estimated 15 beers before the game...The Cougars scored a power play goal for the 18th in 19 games...The combined number of games played for each person on each team for the weekend - Random Length's - 13, Cougars - 76...Siljander, playing with a bruised foot, was also shut out for the game after scoring twice in his previous game.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Game Recap 9/12 VS Sasse Blasters
Sasse Blasters? Who in God's name thinks of these names? Is it one person that gets to decide? It must be, because I know that if I were on that team and I asked the captain "hey man, what is our team name?" and he responded "The Sasse Blasters - funny right?" I would upper cut his scrotum.
Pott was there with his usual scouting report and according to him their goalie was not that great. Fehl on the other hand plays in the B(itch) league with some of these dudes, including the goalie, and he said he was pretty solid. If you find that information positive or helpful - you are a better man than I.
Their one threat was a guy who also plays in A(ss) league and B(ite me) league and he is not allowed to play forward because of it. Inside sources say this guy's wife is a skank - I'm guessing she's just pissed because this dude spends his entire weekend playing Dek Hockey. Oh well, he made me eat shit on a goal and had a pretty nice shot, but overall he was very "meh."
They scored the first goal on a rebound, and the scored stayed 1-0 for most of the first. The RLs did not fret though, and there were positive thoughts (mixed with BO and sweaty glove smell) floating around the bench.
Sure as shit Pott makes Skank Wife's Husband chew the boards and makes a sick pass across the dek to Fehl, who then makes an even sicker pass to Curtis who buries it. 1-1 - and then this ass clown breaks and tosses his stick at Aunt Pam.
Now I'm ok with tossing your stick, I throw golf clubs all of the time, but you DO NOT throw your stick at Aunt Pam. I have some other Aunts that I may be ok with with getting hit with a stick - but not Aunt Pam.
I called the King Joke out on it the next shift and I seriously didn't think I would be able to play the rest of the game when he responded to my comments. He told me to "go fuck myself." I have NEVER had anyone respond to a lewd comment by telling me to go fuck myself. I mean, WOW, if there was an award for the most hurtful come-back of all time - THIS IS IT! I immediately felt my soul frown and my heart sink into organ hell. My legs fell weak and my back hair starting falling out. Once I regained my composure I thought about his response once again and pooped myself a little. This guy made Andrew Dice Clay seem like Mother Theresa. I'm going to have nightmares for the next 3 months about me fucking myself...my knee just turned the opposite direction and my left nipple turned black just thinking about it again.
He did try to pull a move on me in his own zone minutes later and I stole it from him and all that he heard as I whizzed by was the Random Lengths patented "laaaater."
We scored the next goal. Curt made a nice play out of the corner to Pott who took a shot which was blocked by the defender and then proceeded to pop up in the air and Tim smacked it as it hit the ground and beat the goalie and we then led 2-1. Run-on I know, this is a game recap not your fucking senior project.
Fehl then scored twice on some nice setups by Curt and we were in the lead 4-1. It stayed this way for awhile, and the interim was clogged with penalties on both sides. 2 v 3s, 3 v 4s, 3 v 3s, Pott getting elbowed and then dragging a kid down to the ground, Dave tripping Sappy Slap Stick King Cumback because the kid was trying to stick handle and Dave felt bad that he was making himself look like an idiot, and Fehl got a 2 minute penalty for saying "what?"
Yeah, you guessed it - Heroin Ref was there and his usual "I need a stamp bag" self. You know how us as dudes, we have that one tool in our toolbox that we just cannot live without (mine is a roofers square)? That one tool that is the tool above all others. The King Tool. The Master Tool. You know what I mean? Well this guy is THAT tool in the Douche Bag Toolbox. He is KING TOOL.
They did end up making it an exciting game near the end and the boys played well. Pott and Dave were sucking air. Marky's assignment for the last minute and a half was to cover SWH (skank wife's husband) and he made some very important blocks at the point.
Shoup was his usual solid self and he made some key saves late. We held on for the win, a nice win.
Stats updated on the link to your right.
Game Highlights:
Pott was there with his usual scouting report and according to him their goalie was not that great. Fehl on the other hand plays in the B(itch) league with some of these dudes, including the goalie, and he said he was pretty solid. If you find that information positive or helpful - you are a better man than I.
Their one threat was a guy who also plays in A(ss) league and B(ite me) league and he is not allowed to play forward because of it. Inside sources say this guy's wife is a skank - I'm guessing she's just pissed because this dude spends his entire weekend playing Dek Hockey. Oh well, he made me eat shit on a goal and had a pretty nice shot, but overall he was very "meh."
They scored the first goal on a rebound, and the scored stayed 1-0 for most of the first. The RLs did not fret though, and there were positive thoughts (mixed with BO and sweaty glove smell) floating around the bench.
Sure as shit Pott makes Skank Wife's Husband chew the boards and makes a sick pass across the dek to Fehl, who then makes an even sicker pass to Curtis who buries it. 1-1 - and then this ass clown breaks and tosses his stick at Aunt Pam.
Now I'm ok with tossing your stick, I throw golf clubs all of the time, but you DO NOT throw your stick at Aunt Pam. I have some other Aunts that I may be ok with with getting hit with a stick - but not Aunt Pam.
I called the King Joke out on it the next shift and I seriously didn't think I would be able to play the rest of the game when he responded to my comments. He told me to "go fuck myself." I have NEVER had anyone respond to a lewd comment by telling me to go fuck myself. I mean, WOW, if there was an award for the most hurtful come-back of all time - THIS IS IT! I immediately felt my soul frown and my heart sink into organ hell. My legs fell weak and my back hair starting falling out. Once I regained my composure I thought about his response once again and pooped myself a little. This guy made Andrew Dice Clay seem like Mother Theresa. I'm going to have nightmares for the next 3 months about me fucking myself...my knee just turned the opposite direction and my left nipple turned black just thinking about it again.
He did try to pull a move on me in his own zone minutes later and I stole it from him and all that he heard as I whizzed by was the Random Lengths patented "laaaater."
We scored the next goal. Curt made a nice play out of the corner to Pott who took a shot which was blocked by the defender and then proceeded to pop up in the air and Tim smacked it as it hit the ground and beat the goalie and we then led 2-1. Run-on I know, this is a game recap not your fucking senior project.
Fehl then scored twice on some nice setups by Curt and we were in the lead 4-1. It stayed this way for awhile, and the interim was clogged with penalties on both sides. 2 v 3s, 3 v 4s, 3 v 3s, Pott getting elbowed and then dragging a kid down to the ground, Dave tripping Sappy Slap Stick King Cumback because the kid was trying to stick handle and Dave felt bad that he was making himself look like an idiot, and Fehl got a 2 minute penalty for saying "what?"
Yeah, you guessed it - Heroin Ref was there and his usual "I need a stamp bag" self. You know how us as dudes, we have that one tool in our toolbox that we just cannot live without (mine is a roofers square)? That one tool that is the tool above all others. The King Tool. The Master Tool. You know what I mean? Well this guy is THAT tool in the Douche Bag Toolbox. He is KING TOOL.
They did end up making it an exciting game near the end and the boys played well. Pott and Dave were sucking air. Marky's assignment for the last minute and a half was to cover SWH (skank wife's husband) and he made some very important blocks at the point.Shoup was his usual solid self and he made some key saves late. We held on for the win, a nice win.
Stats updated on the link to your right.
Game Highlights:
- Fehl's girlfriend was boozed up and she ordered us to win and we obliged. We need people to order us to win more often.
- We played the entire game with 4 forwards and 2 defenders and Pott and "Who's this Dave" played fucking fantastic.
- Shoup is by far the most improved Random Length since our inaugural session. We were giving them space for long shots because he was gobbling them up all night.
- Fehl has developed his sliding into an offensive advantage. Although he was thrown in the box for sliding into someone tonight. Dumb rule that was only created because some guy said he blew his knee out and then was playing again in two weeks. I have bruises, bumps, scrapes, and dents on my shins and legs every week - are you going to take the sticks away next?
- For the last 5 minutes RLs were taint deep and we pulled it out just in time.
- Pott name-dropped and Polamalu is out 8-9 weeks.
- Marky blocked 34 shots again.
- Happy Birthday Marky.
Game Recap 9/5
Sorry for the delayed recap for this game.
Solid overall. Tim scored two playing with Fehl. That line could have had 14 more goals if Tim could pass.
The Nordo and Marky line played awesome though, and Nord finished with two and Markie finished with one volley off of his knee deflecting Nordy's hardest shot of his life out of the corner.
Defense played well and the fill-in goalie Mike held his ground.
RL's win 5-2 in a late game.
Solid overall. Tim scored two playing with Fehl. That line could have had 14 more goals if Tim could pass.
The Nordo and Marky line played awesome though, and Nord finished with two and Markie finished with one volley off of his knee deflecting Nordy's hardest shot of his life out of the corner.
Defense played well and the fill-in goalie Mike held his ground.
RL's win 5-2 in a late game.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
UNFORTUNATE NEWS
This was forwarded to the team from Fennell:
Hello all,
I am sorry to inform everyone that we only had 5 teams registered in the league, so we will not be running another session of deck hockey this year. We will be running another one starting the end of April. We are also going to have a deck hockey tournament if anyone is interested, I believe that it will be the weekend of September 26th. If you would like any more information about the tournament, please let me know.
Thanks,
Troy MohneyFamily Sports Centercoachtroy@familysportscenter.org724-482-2199
ok, ok, ok - i can understand that they do not want to continue with the session because they only have 5 teams registered, I get that.
What I don't get is HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THEY ONLY HAVE 5 TEAMS REGISTERED? Who is running this fiasco?! Out of the 100's of teams playing at the Township Dek, they could only get 5!! to register?? And this all for the same amount of money...
Boggles my mind. Better surface. More room. 5 v 5 like real hockey. Nicer boards. No communist, in-need of rehab, fat, taking their jobs too seriously refs. I don't see how it could be possible.
They should hire me to get teams to play in their league. It's like selling ketchup to a man with a cup full of plain fries (unless his name is Curt).
Joke league, unfortunate for us. Oh well, I guess we'll have to continue to put up with the Township.
Hello all,
I am sorry to inform everyone that we only had 5 teams registered in the league, so we will not be running another session of deck hockey this year. We will be running another one starting the end of April. We are also going to have a deck hockey tournament if anyone is interested, I believe that it will be the weekend of September 26th. If you would like any more information about the tournament, please let me know.
Thanks,
Troy MohneyFamily Sports Centercoachtroy@familysportscenter.org724-482-2199
ok, ok, ok - i can understand that they do not want to continue with the session because they only have 5 teams registered, I get that.
What I don't get is HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THEY ONLY HAVE 5 TEAMS REGISTERED? Who is running this fiasco?! Out of the 100's of teams playing at the Township Dek, they could only get 5!! to register?? And this all for the same amount of money...
Boggles my mind. Better surface. More room. 5 v 5 like real hockey. Nicer boards. No communist, in-need of rehab, fat, taking their jobs too seriously refs. I don't see how it could be possible.
They should hire me to get teams to play in their league. It's like selling ketchup to a man with a cup full of plain fries (unless his name is Curt).
Joke league, unfortunate for us. Oh well, I guess we'll have to continue to put up with the Township.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
GAME RECAP - 8/29/09 VS. COUGARS
For those of you who didn't play, this team's name may give away how high on the douchebag scale they fall. The COUGARS??!! Really? The Cougars? I cannot think of one situation where this name is intimidating, awesome, or funny. Are they "cougars" like the animal? Sweet animal but stupid and unoriginal name for a Dek Hockey team. Are they "cougars" like middle aged women who dig younger guys? Not funny. Anyway you look at it they either 1) have a terrible sense of humor, or 2) gave the name very little thought and time. They were, however, douchebags. Big, soppy, rubber ones.
This one dick, for example, got to taste what a forearm full of freckles feels like when Fennell leveled him and myself at the end of the game. This...kid...was...a...DICK. I don't mean a dick in the "I make people hate me" sense - kind of like Curt. I don't mean dick in the "Hi my name is Richard, but my friends call me Dick" sense. I mean in the sense that this kid was actually a male organ, a penis, a dick. He has 1 mohawk and 0 girlfriends.
On to the recap.
We were short players once again, and the Head Marxist was reffing the game... once again. Get this - he was wearing a referee shirt! What an absolute piece of garbage. Before the game Pott claimed "guys, don't say ANYTHING," Head Marxist likes me. Fuck that Pott, who was the only person in the game to take a penalty? Who was the ref who called that penalty? EXACTLY. He does not like you and you should not like him. His idea of a good time is a concentration camp. This guy makes me never want to play at the township Dek again after this session. He also makes me want to brush my teeth like 6 times a day.
Anyway, we were short so we had 3 forwards and three defensemen and we did the whole rotation thing. It worked out ok but we were tired and hot and it showed late in the second period.
THINGS DID NOT START OUT SO WELL. *sigh* We were down 3-0 after the first period. They were making us look sloppy and stupid. We righted ourselves though and Fennell did some nice fore checking that led to the first goal scored by Tim.
We made it a one goal game on the next shift when Erock Reges made a nice play up the boards out of our own zone and got it to Tim who beat the defender and laced a shot top shelf, far bar.
We were in it, but we were missing some of our key players and we were getting tired. Shortly after they once again make it a 2 goal lead - and then 3, and 4, and 5.
Now down 7-2 we have our work cut out for us and only a short time to go. Pott jumps into the O-zone and makes a nice pass to Fennell who is standing between the circles. He fires one near side for our third goal.
Marky downed a bottle of whiskey the night before and he was a few seconds behind for most of the game until late in the third - he wins the face off in the offensive zone, beats 3 defenders, and puts a nice shot in on the far side to make it a 7-4 game.
Fennell scored another nice goal late in the third on a wicked slapper, but it was too little too late and there would be no more goals scored.
The aforementioned "dick" did play a pivotal role late in the game when he decided to fuck around with the ball behind his own net instead of playing with class and sportsmanship. He held onto it, Fennell went in and tried to take it, then I went in and he dug it out, and fouled Fennell (no call of course), and then brought it back. He was an asshole. Fennell and myself finally had enough and we went to give him a Pattim sandwich with extra dick in the middle, and Fennell ended up crushing not only him, but me too. He was fired up.
Erock knew a few of these dudes and they were high school ice hockey players. I don't give a shit what they were, if we have our normal team we beat these dicks without a problem.
2 games left and we're middle of the pack in the playoff race. If we win the last two we end the season 5-3-2. Not too bad, should get us an ok playoff draw.
Specific Lengths begin next week because of the cancelled games this week.
Random Lengths play at 10:00 next week.
Stats updated on link to your right.
Be sure to check out the post listed below. There is an awesome video at the end of it. Highly recommended that you grab your terrible towel and think about Mike Lange before pressing play.
This one dick, for example, got to taste what a forearm full of freckles feels like when Fennell leveled him and myself at the end of the game. This...kid...was...a...DICK. I don't mean a dick in the "I make people hate me" sense - kind of like Curt. I don't mean dick in the "Hi my name is Richard, but my friends call me Dick" sense. I mean in the sense that this kid was actually a male organ, a penis, a dick. He has 1 mohawk and 0 girlfriends.
On to the recap.
We were short players once again, and the Head Marxist was reffing the game... once again. Get this - he was wearing a referee shirt! What an absolute piece of garbage. Before the game Pott claimed "guys, don't say ANYTHING," Head Marxist likes me. Fuck that Pott, who was the only person in the game to take a penalty? Who was the ref who called that penalty? EXACTLY. He does not like you and you should not like him. His idea of a good time is a concentration camp. This guy makes me never want to play at the township Dek again after this session. He also makes me want to brush my teeth like 6 times a day.
Anyway, we were short so we had 3 forwards and three defensemen and we did the whole rotation thing. It worked out ok but we were tired and hot and it showed late in the second period.
THINGS DID NOT START OUT SO WELL. *sigh* We were down 3-0 after the first period. They were making us look sloppy and stupid. We righted ourselves though and Fennell did some nice fore checking that led to the first goal scored by Tim.
We made it a one goal game on the next shift when Erock Reges made a nice play up the boards out of our own zone and got it to Tim who beat the defender and laced a shot top shelf, far bar.
We were in it, but we were missing some of our key players and we were getting tired. Shortly after they once again make it a 2 goal lead - and then 3, and 4, and 5.
Now down 7-2 we have our work cut out for us and only a short time to go. Pott jumps into the O-zone and makes a nice pass to Fennell who is standing between the circles. He fires one near side for our third goal.
Marky downed a bottle of whiskey the night before and he was a few seconds behind for most of the game until late in the third - he wins the face off in the offensive zone, beats 3 defenders, and puts a nice shot in on the far side to make it a 7-4 game.
Fennell scored another nice goal late in the third on a wicked slapper, but it was too little too late and there would be no more goals scored.
The aforementioned "dick" did play a pivotal role late in the game when he decided to fuck around with the ball behind his own net instead of playing with class and sportsmanship. He held onto it, Fennell went in and tried to take it, then I went in and he dug it out, and fouled Fennell (no call of course), and then brought it back. He was an asshole. Fennell and myself finally had enough and we went to give him a Pattim sandwich with extra dick in the middle, and Fennell ended up crushing not only him, but me too. He was fired up.
Erock knew a few of these dudes and they were high school ice hockey players. I don't give a shit what they were, if we have our normal team we beat these dicks without a problem.
2 games left and we're middle of the pack in the playoff race. If we win the last two we end the season 5-3-2. Not too bad, should get us an ok playoff draw.
Specific Lengths begin next week because of the cancelled games this week.
Random Lengths play at 10:00 next week.
Stats updated on link to your right.
Be sure to check out the post listed below. There is an awesome video at the end of it. Highly recommended that you grab your terrible towel and think about Mike Lange before pressing play.
UNREAL
A man sits in a dusk lit room leafing through something resembling a Bible. He spoke and it was written in blood - scribed by men with hearts of steel. He arches his neck, straining from the long days and nights. Sleep would do him good - but the others are not resting and he cannot risk falling behind. His dark eyes peer though a set of glasses created to block the sun, but there is no sun - he makes Miles Davis look like the kid with no date at the prom. His nappy hair is trimmed so perfectly it looks like it was painted on with a stencil. He reaches for a glass full of warm amber liquid, but instead chooses to grab the tall bottle sitting next to it and he takes a long drink and finishes what liquor was remaining - he then smashes the bottle over a red, blue, and gray symbol resembling a flying head of a 17th century American soldier. "Fuck...them," he mutters under his breathe.
Another man standing in the room hears The Black Badasses' utterance and he chuckles. He is a jolly man, with rimmed lined glasses that he wears to look intelligent. His book is much simpler, but just as important. He is learning to speak in different tongues in order for his men to better understand his war plan. He glances at a tree outside the window. Soon it will be barren as the world around it hibernates and the air freezes. His plan is much different than the Dark Man, but his goal is the same. Defend his title. "We play on fucking ice" he thinks to himself as a Number 8 flashes through his daydream. This causes him to bury his head in his hand, and he begins rubbing his temples. He too reaches for a drink but his is in the form of a can. A loud crack and fizz is heard as he opens his cold beverage - and proceeds to down the frigid liquid and smash the can on his head, causing a stream of blood to run down his cheek and drip onto his page. He turns to the other man and with a lisp asks him "are you ready?"
They stand up, head butt each other, and then run out of the room screaming. They are ready, their men are ready, are you fucking ready?
Another man standing in the room hears The Black Badasses' utterance and he chuckles. He is a jolly man, with rimmed lined glasses that he wears to look intelligent. His book is much simpler, but just as important. He is learning to speak in different tongues in order for his men to better understand his war plan. He glances at a tree outside the window. Soon it will be barren as the world around it hibernates and the air freezes. His plan is much different than the Dark Man, but his goal is the same. Defend his title. "We play on fucking ice" he thinks to himself as a Number 8 flashes through his daydream. This causes him to bury his head in his hand, and he begins rubbing his temples. He too reaches for a drink but his is in the form of a can. A loud crack and fizz is heard as he opens his cold beverage - and proceeds to down the frigid liquid and smash the can on his head, causing a stream of blood to run down his cheek and drip onto his page. He turns to the other man and with a lisp asks him "are you ready?"
They stand up, head butt each other, and then run out of the room screaming. They are ready, their men are ready, are you fucking ready?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Game Recap 8/22 Vs. Aztecs
Why in the world is Head Marxist reffing games anyway? Is Butler Dek Hockey hurting for employees so badly that they need to hire a washed up, 40 year-old Communist who still lives with his mom and has terrible hygiene? Seriously, he is such a joke he throws his "Ref" status around like he throws his tattered and oil stained Scorpions World Tour 1982 t-shirt into his mom's hamper. "Mom did you wash my Scorps shirt?" "No honey I'm sorry, I didn't get to your laundry this week." "But mommmmm...I have to change the oil and check the spark plugs on the Camaro." What a piece of crap.
Anyway, we had a shortened bench for our August 22nd game, and old T-Mike was delegated back into an offensive role.
Old Randall Shuler once again graced us with his jersey-less presence in net and because of it we had a 56% better chance of winning.
The game did not start out so well. Why does that seem to be a reoccurring statement in these posts? They took a 2-0 lead in the first period and they had us running around like a bunch of homos at an Astroglide Christmas party.
Their defense was tough. They continually stood us up at the center line and they were keeping everything in the zone.
Our biggest advantage - speed- was a non-factor. The Flying Hawaiian was enjoying a Luau on the dek and I swear at one point I saw him place a Lei over Curt's head and give his a kiss on the cheek.
One dude thought it was a skills competition and he made our D look silly a few times.
Any way you look at it they were in complete control of the game.
Curt finally got us on the board early in the second with a nice play by "Who's this Dave?" out of the back field.
Line two took the dek and Trav took off after a loose ball into their zone. Our speed finally prevailed and Trav beat the defender to the ball and played it to the middle. Erock Reges snuck in from the point and put a low-liner toward and into the goal.
Skillz McGee made us look silly off of the ensuing face-off and they once again took the lead. The score at the end of two periods was them 3, us 2, but you would never know that from the final score.
As stated numerous times in these posts - when Random Lengths score, they come in bunches. This is the story of the third period.
Tim and Curt got it going early and Curt tied the game on an excellent shot.
Trav then scored a highlight reel goal by beating a man along the boards, taking the ball to the net only to meet two more defenders, and then pulling a spin-a-rama and sneaking one in on a between the legs shot. He had his arms raised before the ball ever crossed the line.
Curt and Tim scored a few more times and then Goldie went on an offensive tear assisting on one and then putting in a goal of his own to put the game far, far, out of reach.
The game was called early because Marky was thrown out of the game by Marxist because he spoke something democratic, and the Flying Hawaiian thought that instead of us fighting (which we had no intent on doing since we were winning by 6 goals) we should all sit on the beach and share some coconut juice.
All in all, we came on like a hard on in the third period and showed that the better team should and will most times win.
Game Highlights
Stats updated. Game at 4:00 next week.
Anyway, we had a shortened bench for our August 22nd game, and old T-Mike was delegated back into an offensive role.
Old Randall Shuler once again graced us with his jersey-less presence in net and because of it we had a 56% better chance of winning.
The game did not start out so well. Why does that seem to be a reoccurring statement in these posts? They took a 2-0 lead in the first period and they had us running around like a bunch of homos at an Astroglide Christmas party.
Their defense was tough. They continually stood us up at the center line and they were keeping everything in the zone.
Our biggest advantage - speed- was a non-factor. The Flying Hawaiian was enjoying a Luau on the dek and I swear at one point I saw him place a Lei over Curt's head and give his a kiss on the cheek.
One dude thought it was a skills competition and he made our D look silly a few times.
Any way you look at it they were in complete control of the game.
Curt finally got us on the board early in the second with a nice play by "Who's this Dave?" out of the back field.
Line two took the dek and Trav took off after a loose ball into their zone. Our speed finally prevailed and Trav beat the defender to the ball and played it to the middle. Erock Reges snuck in from the point and put a low-liner toward and into the goal.
Skillz McGee made us look silly off of the ensuing face-off and they once again took the lead. The score at the end of two periods was them 3, us 2, but you would never know that from the final score.
As stated numerous times in these posts - when Random Lengths score, they come in bunches. This is the story of the third period.
Tim and Curt got it going early and Curt tied the game on an excellent shot.
Trav then scored a highlight reel goal by beating a man along the boards, taking the ball to the net only to meet two more defenders, and then pulling a spin-a-rama and sneaking one in on a between the legs shot. He had his arms raised before the ball ever crossed the line.
Curt and Tim scored a few more times and then Goldie went on an offensive tear assisting on one and then putting in a goal of his own to put the game far, far, out of reach.
The game was called early because Marky was thrown out of the game by Marxist because he spoke something democratic, and the Flying Hawaiian thought that instead of us fighting (which we had no intent on doing since we were winning by 6 goals) we should all sit on the beach and share some coconut juice.
All in all, we came on like a hard on in the third period and showed that the better team should and will most times win.
Game Highlights
- Randall Shuler was Hasek good in net. He kept us in the game early when we had our thumbs up our asses.
- "Who's this Dave" covers an estimated 15 foot radius - standing still.
- Who would have thought that all of those nights spent playing the ladder game instead of going on dates would actually benefit Curt at some point in his life.
- Trav looks like an IRobot Roomba on speed when he's on the dek.
- Erock scoring in front of his super hot girlfriend.
- Goldie pulling an Urlacher and changing the course of the game.
- Marky's offensive defensive play. I think he blocked like 34 shots.
- Head Marxist is such a dick.
Stats updated. Game at 4:00 next week.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Game Recap 8/15 - VS Green Team
Do you know why they call it "swamp ass?" Have you ever had a case of "Monkey Butt?" How about "crotch rot?"
Imagine a 500 lb. man with all three of those ailments at the same time. Got it? Now, imagine that during this poor obese man's very painful encounter with an inflamed neath er-region, you are tucked up under his balls hanging onto his taint....do you have it? How does it feel? That is what it felt like on the dek and in the bench during our sluggish win over Green Team.
This team was not very good. They DID have not only 1, but TWO Shulers on their team....and anytime you have even one Shuler you instantly have a 56% better chance of winning.
The game started off very slow. Everyone was bogged down by the 23 lbs. of moisture in the air. It was one of those humid days that only us of the east coast can appreciate. If gravity were to change by a mere fraction we could all swim around the atmosphere like we lived in a giant fish bowl.
Fehl had a sweat stream running down his back as soon as he put his shirt on. He looked like he just jumped out of the pool every time he came to the bench.
This was a humid and hot game of epic proportions, and the Green Team was able to stay in the game because of it. We had to dig hard and deep to find the will to win this one, and it was going to have to come from an unexpected source.
The game started slowly as most of our games do. Shoup made some good saves to keep it scoreless in the first. Their goalie, a Shuler, got lucky as we clanged a few off of the posts and crossbars.
Both scoring lines were getting their chances, but because of two "right time right place" shots they had a 2 goal lead early in the second.
A rarity with Random Lengths was taking place, Tim and Curt were playing on the same line and they were making stuff happen.
Fennell got to play forward again and he and Fehl showed made a strong statement for continuing to play together for the rest of the season.
Finally the Shuler dam broke and Fennell blasted one in the far side to make it 1-2.
When the Random Lengths smell blood an onslaught normally ensues.
Someone sneaked a Mexican Jumping Ball onto the dek and Curt was having a hell of a time controlling it for a few minutes. The snake was beaten though as Curt was finally able to settle it and blast one home to make it 2-2.
Curt and Tim hooked up again a few minutes later and then Trav puts a shot in from the point through a screen, and RLs are suddenly the team leading by 2.
Green Team claws back into the game and they tie it with approximately 5 minutes to go in the game.
Hold that thought!! Curt takes the ball from the center line and is 1 on 1 with the goalie. Tim goes toward the net awaiting a possible rebound. Kent King, who works at the local gay bar and wears his sunglasses at night is running as close as he can to Tim, who then proceeds to slash his stick down onto Tim's, just as Curt fires a rifle shot over the near shoulder of Shuler to give the RLs the lead 5-4!
But wait! One of the worst calls of all time?! Yes Fat Ref, I understand that you ate only one baby today and you may still be hungry, but that is a bullshit call.
INTERFERENCE??!! on Tim, no goal, we are now short-handed.
Joke league.
Trav and this other kid decide that they want to play hard because they like to win and be good at things, and Fat Ref doesn't like people being good at things so he throws them out of the game for being "aggressive."
JOKE.
The game ends with us having 4 forwards on the dek hoping for a last second goal. We have like 7 faceoffs in their zone, and we put 88 shots on Shuler but we cannot sneak one in.
OT begins and everyone is tired. Gay Bar Kent and Bucktoothed Benny are chatting about how dumb they are because they attended Butler High School. I opted not to tell them that 90% of our team attended, graduated, graduated college, and now have jobs after their Butler Education - so we must have learned something right. I don't know where you learn to be a gay bouncer, but he must have thousands of dollars in student loans.
The first line makes some stuff happen but no dice. Tim and Chad Scuderi take the ball into the offensive zone, Tim around the net, out front to Chad - BAM! GOAL! GAME WINNER FOR SCUDS!!!! Let's get the fuck out of this heat.
5-4, game in OT.
Imagine a 500 lb. man with all three of those ailments at the same time. Got it? Now, imagine that during this poor obese man's very painful encounter with an inflamed neath er-region, you are tucked up under his balls hanging onto his taint....do you have it? How does it feel? That is what it felt like on the dek and in the bench during our sluggish win over Green Team.
This team was not very good. They DID have not only 1, but TWO Shulers on their team....and anytime you have even one Shuler you instantly have a 56% better chance of winning.
The game started off very slow. Everyone was bogged down by the 23 lbs. of moisture in the air. It was one of those humid days that only us of the east coast can appreciate. If gravity were to change by a mere fraction we could all swim around the atmosphere like we lived in a giant fish bowl.
Fehl had a sweat stream running down his back as soon as he put his shirt on. He looked like he just jumped out of the pool every time he came to the bench.
This was a humid and hot game of epic proportions, and the Green Team was able to stay in the game because of it. We had to dig hard and deep to find the will to win this one, and it was going to have to come from an unexpected source.
The game started slowly as most of our games do. Shoup made some good saves to keep it scoreless in the first. Their goalie, a Shuler, got lucky as we clanged a few off of the posts and crossbars.
Both scoring lines were getting their chances, but because of two "right time right place" shots they had a 2 goal lead early in the second.
A rarity with Random Lengths was taking place, Tim and Curt were playing on the same line and they were making stuff happen.
Fennell got to play forward again and he and Fehl showed made a strong statement for continuing to play together for the rest of the season.
Finally the Shuler dam broke and Fennell blasted one in the far side to make it 1-2.
When the Random Lengths smell blood an onslaught normally ensues.
Someone sneaked a Mexican Jumping Ball onto the dek and Curt was having a hell of a time controlling it for a few minutes. The snake was beaten though as Curt was finally able to settle it and blast one home to make it 2-2.
Curt and Tim hooked up again a few minutes later and then Trav puts a shot in from the point through a screen, and RLs are suddenly the team leading by 2.
Green Team claws back into the game and they tie it with approximately 5 minutes to go in the game.
Hold that thought!! Curt takes the ball from the center line and is 1 on 1 with the goalie. Tim goes toward the net awaiting a possible rebound. Kent King, who works at the local gay bar and wears his sunglasses at night is running as close as he can to Tim, who then proceeds to slash his stick down onto Tim's, just as Curt fires a rifle shot over the near shoulder of Shuler to give the RLs the lead 5-4!
But wait! One of the worst calls of all time?! Yes Fat Ref, I understand that you ate only one baby today and you may still be hungry, but that is a bullshit call.
INTERFERENCE??!! on Tim, no goal, we are now short-handed.
Joke league.
Trav and this other kid decide that they want to play hard because they like to win and be good at things, and Fat Ref doesn't like people being good at things so he throws them out of the game for being "aggressive."
JOKE.
The game ends with us having 4 forwards on the dek hoping for a last second goal. We have like 7 faceoffs in their zone, and we put 88 shots on Shuler but we cannot sneak one in.
OT begins and everyone is tired. Gay Bar Kent and Bucktoothed Benny are chatting about how dumb they are because they attended Butler High School. I opted not to tell them that 90% of our team attended, graduated, graduated college, and now have jobs after their Butler Education - so we must have learned something right. I don't know where you learn to be a gay bouncer, but he must have thousands of dollars in student loans.
The first line makes some stuff happen but no dice. Tim and Chad Scuderi take the ball into the offensive zone, Tim around the net, out front to Chad - BAM! GOAL! GAME WINNER FOR SCUDS!!!! Let's get the fuck out of this heat.
5-4, game in OT.
Monday, August 3, 2009
8/1/2009 Game Recaps
Random Lengths II (FSC)
We ended up playing the same team we played last week in the Township league, with the addition of a few good men. They were definitely a better team with those additional dudes.
We also discovered why Heroine Ref seemed so inclined to make the game as difficult as possible for us last week, and it was because he actually plays for this team. He had to ref last week instead of playing on the account of him being down to only one stamp back remaining for the following week.
They came out with much more energy and skill, and it showed on the score board with us being down 3-0 after the first period.
As it was last week we started to play much better half way through the second, and after two the game was now 4-2.
We made it a one goal game a few minutes into the third period and it was seeming very similar to how things transpired at last week's game where we tied the score at 4 late in the third.
As it turned out fate was not on our side and they ended up being the team to score late in the third, once again giving them a two goal lead which ended up being the final score, 5-3.
They had a few guys on offense who could really move the ball, and our forwards were confused as to who was to get back on D and who was covering what man. We changed our scheme and it showed with them only scoring twice more after the first period.
They were playing a tight man-on-man style of D, and it showed with our two leading scorers Zirn and Sparticuss being held off of the score sheet.
They also had Artus Irbe playing goal for them and he made some spectacular saves, but in most cases was out-shone by Shoup who had nearly 50 shots come his way, turning aside all but 5.
Chad Scuderi made an appearance and his presence on the dek was felt by the opposing team almost immediately with them getting stopped short time and again.
They seem to have it in with these refs as well considering the constant and blatant obstruction by Ben Ba-Donk-a-Dunk and his teammates.
We can speed by any player on their team, and to stop us is to cheat, and that is exactly what they did.
We should have an easy win next week considering the previous results of our next opponent, but we should not take anything for granted considering the following outcome....
Random Lengths (TWP)
Absolute travesty of a game. We were 10 minutes away from getting an easy forfeit win, and we played as if the forfeit had already happened.
The play on both ends of the dek was atrocious. Our defenders were following the ball and not the man. Our offenders could not get a shot through if the opposition was sleeping. We played, looked, and smelled like crap.
Were we tired from playing a game only 3 ours before? If so we're more out of shape than we think because they played the entire game with only one sub. The way we played they could have doubled the score if they had more subs.
Fennell and Trav ended up playing as forwards because of lack of offenders, and the one high point of the day was that Fennell was able to at least put us on the board with what I think was an unassisted goal.
That's really all that I have to say about it. Final score 1-6.
Stats and results updated for both teams on the links to your right.
We ended up playing the same team we played last week in the Township league, with the addition of a few good men. They were definitely a better team with those additional dudes.
We also discovered why Heroine Ref seemed so inclined to make the game as difficult as possible for us last week, and it was because he actually plays for this team. He had to ref last week instead of playing on the account of him being down to only one stamp back remaining for the following week.
They came out with much more energy and skill, and it showed on the score board with us being down 3-0 after the first period.
As it was last week we started to play much better half way through the second, and after two the game was now 4-2.
We made it a one goal game a few minutes into the third period and it was seeming very similar to how things transpired at last week's game where we tied the score at 4 late in the third.
As it turned out fate was not on our side and they ended up being the team to score late in the third, once again giving them a two goal lead which ended up being the final score, 5-3.
They had a few guys on offense who could really move the ball, and our forwards were confused as to who was to get back on D and who was covering what man. We changed our scheme and it showed with them only scoring twice more after the first period.
They were playing a tight man-on-man style of D, and it showed with our two leading scorers Zirn and Sparticuss being held off of the score sheet.
They also had Artus Irbe playing goal for them and he made some spectacular saves, but in most cases was out-shone by Shoup who had nearly 50 shots come his way, turning aside all but 5.
Chad Scuderi made an appearance and his presence on the dek was felt by the opposing team almost immediately with them getting stopped short time and again.
They seem to have it in with these refs as well considering the constant and blatant obstruction by Ben Ba-Donk-a-Dunk and his teammates.
We can speed by any player on their team, and to stop us is to cheat, and that is exactly what they did.
We should have an easy win next week considering the previous results of our next opponent, but we should not take anything for granted considering the following outcome....
Random Lengths (TWP)
Absolute travesty of a game. We were 10 minutes away from getting an easy forfeit win, and we played as if the forfeit had already happened.
The play on both ends of the dek was atrocious. Our defenders were following the ball and not the man. Our offenders could not get a shot through if the opposition was sleeping. We played, looked, and smelled like crap.
Were we tired from playing a game only 3 ours before? If so we're more out of shape than we think because they played the entire game with only one sub. The way we played they could have doubled the score if they had more subs.
Fennell and Trav ended up playing as forwards because of lack of offenders, and the one high point of the day was that Fennell was able to at least put us on the board with what I think was an unassisted goal.
That's really all that I have to say about it. Final score 1-6.
Stats and results updated for both teams on the links to your right.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Random Lengths 7/25 Game Recap Vs. The Avengers
It was nice to have a full crew for our 7/25 game against Ass Avengers.
Erock Reges was in attendance. "Who's this? Dave" was also there, and Randall Shuler once again covered for us in goal on the account of Shoup's absence and Pott's missing ankles and knees.
This team did not seem to pose any sort of challange to the Lengths, which held on to be true all except for the addition of Heroin ref as their sixth man, and the fact that Marian Hossa's brother plays for them.
Seriously, didn't anyone have a needle or something for Heroin ref to hit before the game to put him in a better mood? Nice dude, you work full time as a Dek hockey ref, don't take your failed attempt at life or your addiction to an illegal substance out on us innocent players. Do some research dude.
Anyway, to our surprise the head Marxist is now also working for the dek and he was the second ref. He didn't cause any issues, but Karl was awfully quiet in his early years as well.
We came out and scored the first goal and things were looking good. Tim makes a play at the center line and gets the ball to Curt. Curt beats a defender and sneaks one in near bar on the goalie. 1-0 Lengths.
The game then took an unfortunate turn. They managed to squeeze some shots by Randall because of some unlucky bounces, and we were suddenly down 3-1 at the first intermission.
We held our ground though, and they only managed one more goal for the rest of the game.
Curt and Tim once again hooked up in the second with Curt making a nice play behind the net to sneak one out to Tim in front who poked it in.
Brandon also did some dirty work and put in a similar goal early in the third.
Nordo and Trav were all over the place but could not buy a goal.
The addition of Erock Reges and Dave in the back helped, and Pott had a few opportunities but we could not sneak one by their keeper (who was either playing very well, or getting very lucky).
Finally with approximately 2 1/2 minutes remaining, team leading goal scorer Brandon added to his lead with another gritty goal in front of the net. 4-4 tie.
The Nordo and Markie line finished the game and after some close calls in our own zone, they managed to get the ball deep into the offensive zone and create some awesome chances. Unfortunately not before the buzzing sounded, we're going to OT.
Curt and Tim started the offensive push in OT and they were close, but not close enough. We then took a penalty. We were short handed twice in a 5 minute overtime period with a running clock, and we still had more chances than them. Nord and Markie were all over the place and Pott and Brandon almost put the game away on their shift, but almost only counts in...well you know the saying.
4-4 tie. Next game is 8/1 at 4:00PM Vs. Red Russians.
Stats updated on the link to the right.
Erock Reges was in attendance. "Who's this? Dave" was also there, and Randall Shuler once again covered for us in goal on the account of Shoup's absence and Pott's missing ankles and knees.
This team did not seem to pose any sort of challange to the Lengths, which held on to be true all except for the addition of Heroin ref as their sixth man, and the fact that Marian Hossa's brother plays for them.
Seriously, didn't anyone have a needle or something for Heroin ref to hit before the game to put him in a better mood? Nice dude, you work full time as a Dek hockey ref, don't take your failed attempt at life or your addiction to an illegal substance out on us innocent players. Do some research dude.
Anyway, to our surprise the head Marxist is now also working for the dek and he was the second ref. He didn't cause any issues, but Karl was awfully quiet in his early years as well.
We came out and scored the first goal and things were looking good. Tim makes a play at the center line and gets the ball to Curt. Curt beats a defender and sneaks one in near bar on the goalie. 1-0 Lengths.
The game then took an unfortunate turn. They managed to squeeze some shots by Randall because of some unlucky bounces, and we were suddenly down 3-1 at the first intermission.
We held our ground though, and they only managed one more goal for the rest of the game.
Curt and Tim once again hooked up in the second with Curt making a nice play behind the net to sneak one out to Tim in front who poked it in.
Brandon also did some dirty work and put in a similar goal early in the third.
Nordo and Trav were all over the place but could not buy a goal.
The addition of Erock Reges and Dave in the back helped, and Pott had a few opportunities but we could not sneak one by their keeper (who was either playing very well, or getting very lucky).
Finally with approximately 2 1/2 minutes remaining, team leading goal scorer Brandon added to his lead with another gritty goal in front of the net. 4-4 tie.
The Nordo and Markie line finished the game and after some close calls in our own zone, they managed to get the ball deep into the offensive zone and create some awesome chances. Unfortunately not before the buzzing sounded, we're going to OT.
Curt and Tim started the offensive push in OT and they were close, but not close enough. We then took a penalty. We were short handed twice in a 5 minute overtime period with a running clock, and we still had more chances than them. Nord and Markie were all over the place and Pott and Brandon almost put the game away on their shift, but almost only counts in...well you know the saying.
4-4 tie. Next game is 8/1 at 4:00PM Vs. Red Russians.
Stats updated on the link to the right.
Specific Random Lengths II 7/18 and 7/25 Recap
We'll combine the two game recaps to save time, internet space, my lack of a memory, and my lack of attendance at the 7/25 game.
7/18
We had a few more subs than we had the first game, so things were immediately looking positive at the start.
The team we were competing against had won 8-0 the week before, and we had lost 1-7, so this figured to be a tough game for the Lengths.
It looked like it was going to be a long day when within the first 5 minutes they score and take the lead 1-0.
No fear, we gathered ourselves and began a tear of 9 unanswered goals.
Sparticuss Clover continued to show his dominance over lesser dek hockey combatants and he put away 4 goals.
The addition of Aaron Zirn was evident in his mastery of puck-handling and perfect passing.
By the end of the second period the game was completely in in our hands and we continued our dominance of the dek.
Shoup held his ground after a shaky first and only goal.
Final score 9-1 Lengths.
7/25
Did not attend this game but once again we got some key scoring from Sparticuss and Zirn, and some stellar goal tending from Shoup.
We won 2-1 in a tight battle of will.
Apparently Zirn made one dude eat his shit late in the third putting on more moves than May West (or Michael Jackson if you're concerned with copyright infringement).
Next game is August 1st at 12:00 PM.
Stats are updated on the link to the right.
7/18
We had a few more subs than we had the first game, so things were immediately looking positive at the start.
The team we were competing against had won 8-0 the week before, and we had lost 1-7, so this figured to be a tough game for the Lengths.
It looked like it was going to be a long day when within the first 5 minutes they score and take the lead 1-0.
No fear, we gathered ourselves and began a tear of 9 unanswered goals.
Sparticuss Clover continued to show his dominance over lesser dek hockey combatants and he put away 4 goals.
The addition of Aaron Zirn was evident in his mastery of puck-handling and perfect passing.
By the end of the second period the game was completely in in our hands and we continued our dominance of the dek.
Shoup held his ground after a shaky first and only goal.
Final score 9-1 Lengths.
7/25
Did not attend this game but once again we got some key scoring from Sparticuss and Zirn, and some stellar goal tending from Shoup.
We won 2-1 in a tight battle of will.
Apparently Zirn made one dude eat his shit late in the third putting on more moves than May West (or Michael Jackson if you're concerned with copyright infringement).
Next game is August 1st at 12:00 PM.
Stats are updated on the link to the right.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Random Specific Lengths Game 1 Recap
Whether by fate or by divine intervention from the god of skinny punks, we once again began a session of Random Length's hockey playing babies and their dads.
We knew it was going to be a difficult ordeal. Our eyes were widened and our lungs hurt well before the drop of the ball because of the large contrast in size from the dek we are used to playing on to this one.
Only having 3 men on the bench did not help either.
We were all aggression in the first period, and the sights of our hands on our knees further emphasized how much different of a game it is indoors on the larger surface.
Although tired and in much worse physical shape than the non-pubes, we hung with them for much longer than we had expected, and we had some solid chances in the first period.
They snuck a few in and got some nice bounces, and Shoup made some really nice saves.
They scored a few more in the second and you could see our energy escaping faster than Trav leaving a gay bar.
If I could paint a picture of how we felt it would be of Curt standing in the face off circle after a goal against. His skin was pale, his shoulders sagging, his mouth hung wide open, and he had dark circles forming under his eyes. It looked like he had not slept a wink this decade and had just recovered from a romantic night in bed with satan himself.
Think about that one time that you were so tired that your vision was blurry, your lungs felt like you were breathing oxygen laced with glass, your penis had tucked itself away out of shear horror, and your legs felt like slinkys. How you felt was only half as bad as Curt looked at that moment.
We did score 1 goal in the second period. Nord and I attempted a nice give-and-go but the defender read me like his favorite Dr. Seuss book. Luckily Nord made a nice offensive-defensive play and the ball snuck out to Curt in the slot and he fired a snap shot past the goalie.
They scored a few more in the third and we didn't. We did however start playing a little better as the game wore on. It's a different game indoors and we took some time to adjust.
The overall consensus was that we really liked the larger dek and will definitely consider prolonging our time there.
6 (or 7) - 1, RLs lose.
Game Highlights:
*Shoup makes a save diving across the crease in the first.
*Shoup saves a definite goal by reaching behind him with his stick and poking it through his own legs so that he can cover it.
*Tim misses 3 breakaways (this is actually a lowlight and sadly a reoccurring issue).
*Tim did pull a sick half-moon on one of the dads leading to his second breakaway.
*Jefferson and Mark were awesome additions to the roster.
*Nord really looks like he belongs out there on that dek. I foresee amazing things.
*Fennell has good vision out of the back.
*Trav and Tim give-and-go in the first comes oh so close.
*Jefferson's slap shot.
*Curt smoked a bunch of dudes late in the second and was pulling his trademark "whoop"s. He then proceeded to stare down a pit-stained boy who was at least two feet shorter than him.
*Goldie being Goldie.
We knew it was going to be a difficult ordeal. Our eyes were widened and our lungs hurt well before the drop of the ball because of the large contrast in size from the dek we are used to playing on to this one.
Only having 3 men on the bench did not help either.
We were all aggression in the first period, and the sights of our hands on our knees further emphasized how much different of a game it is indoors on the larger surface.
Although tired and in much worse physical shape than the non-pubes, we hung with them for much longer than we had expected, and we had some solid chances in the first period.
They snuck a few in and got some nice bounces, and Shoup made some really nice saves.
They scored a few more in the second and you could see our energy escaping faster than Trav leaving a gay bar.
If I could paint a picture of how we felt it would be of Curt standing in the face off circle after a goal against. His skin was pale, his shoulders sagging, his mouth hung wide open, and he had dark circles forming under his eyes. It looked like he had not slept a wink this decade and had just recovered from a romantic night in bed with satan himself.
Think about that one time that you were so tired that your vision was blurry, your lungs felt like you were breathing oxygen laced with glass, your penis had tucked itself away out of shear horror, and your legs felt like slinkys. How you felt was only half as bad as Curt looked at that moment.
We did score 1 goal in the second period. Nord and I attempted a nice give-and-go but the defender read me like his favorite Dr. Seuss book. Luckily Nord made a nice offensive-defensive play and the ball snuck out to Curt in the slot and he fired a snap shot past the goalie.
They scored a few more in the third and we didn't. We did however start playing a little better as the game wore on. It's a different game indoors and we took some time to adjust.
The overall consensus was that we really liked the larger dek and will definitely consider prolonging our time there.
6 (or 7) - 1, RLs lose.
Game Highlights:
*Shoup makes a save diving across the crease in the first.
*Shoup saves a definite goal by reaching behind him with his stick and poking it through his own legs so that he can cover it.
*Tim misses 3 breakaways (this is actually a lowlight and sadly a reoccurring issue).
*Tim did pull a sick half-moon on one of the dads leading to his second breakaway.
*Jefferson and Mark were awesome additions to the roster.
*Nord really looks like he belongs out there on that dek. I foresee amazing things.
*Fennell has good vision out of the back.
*Trav and Tim give-and-go in the first comes oh so close.
*Jefferson's slap shot.
*Curt smoked a bunch of dudes late in the second and was pulling his trademark "whoop"s. He then proceeded to stare down a pit-stained boy who was at least two feet shorter than him.
*Goldie being Goldie.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Randomly Specific Lengths
Captain Fennell received the call and the Random Lengths II Session begins at Family Sports Center (Heasley's Indoor Soccer place) this coming Saturday, 7/11/2009 at 11:00am.
If you plan on taking part in the entire session please bring $20 for Fennell.
If you are not going to be able to make most of the games but you would still like to play please bring $5 each game.
We are still looking for some extra players so if you know anyone who is interested, please let us know.
We'll keep you updated on the schedule for Random Length's I at the Butler Dek.
See you dudes Saturday, 5 v 5.
If you plan on taking part in the entire session please bring $20 for Fennell.
If you are not going to be able to make most of the games but you would still like to play please bring $5 each game.
We are still looking for some extra players so if you know anyone who is interested, please let us know.
We'll keep you updated on the schedule for Random Length's I at the Butler Dek.
See you dudes Saturday, 5 v 5.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
NEXT SESSION
According to the Butler Dek Hockey Website the Summer session is set to start the week of July 13th.
Curt secured a spot for us so we are set to take it to the next level.
We lost to the little kids last session, but it always feels better when you lose to the eventual champion. Below are some photos from their championship celebration.
Curt secured a spot for us so we are set to take it to the next level.
We lost to the little kids last session, but it always feels better when you lose to the eventual champion. Below are some photos from their championship celebration.
Here is their celebration with Cam Ward Jr.
Here is a picture of the championship game's MVP and team captain.
Congratulations babies.
Be sure to check out this week's poll in the navigation bar to the right.
Monday, June 15, 2009
FUCK YES
What a bunch of badasses.
Reminder: Curt needs your money this week. Don't be late or you don't play.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
SPRING SESSION 2009 AWARDS
The following are awards voted on by the players of The Random Length's Hockey Club. All results are final.
Art Ross Trophy-Most points scored at the end of the session.
CURTIS CAROTHERSThe Maurice Richard Trophy-Team's top goal scorer.
CURTIS CAROTHERS
Hart Memorial Trophy-Most Valuable Player to his team.
CURTIS CAROTHERS
Vezina-Goalkeeper judged to be the best at his position.
JOHN SHOUP
James Norris Memorial Trophy-Team's best defensive player.
CHAD CRANMER
Lady Byng-Player exhibiting the best sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct.
NORDY SILJANDER
Frank J. Selke Trophy-Defenseman who best excels in the offensive aspects of the game.
TRAVIS REGES
60 MORE MINUTES, 1 MORE WIN
Friday is the day. Where boys become men. Where dreams are achieved and shattered in the same instant. Where a nation of fans bleed black and Vegas gold. We've come too far to back down now. Our fate is in the hands of a 24 year-old French Canadian with a pointed upper lip, a 21 year-old descendant of Christ, and a 22 year-old Chernobyl deformed Ruski.
See most of you at the Siegel Hotel Friday night. Hopefully they stocked enough beer. Let's bring Siegel down.
Lemieux be with you.
See most of you at the Siegel Hotel Friday night. Hopefully they stocked enough beer. Let's bring Siegel down.
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