Do you know why they call it "swamp ass?" Have you ever had a case of "Monkey Butt?" How about "crotch rot?"
Imagine a 500 lb. man with all three of those ailments at the same time. Got it? Now, imagine that during this poor obese man's very painful encounter with an inflamed neath er-region, you are tucked up under his balls hanging onto his taint....do you have it? How does it feel? That is what it felt like on the dek and in the bench during our sluggish win over Green Team.
This team was not very good. They DID have not only 1, but TWO Shulers on their team....and anytime you have even one Shuler you instantly have a 56% better chance of winning.
The game started off very slow. Everyone was bogged down by the 23 lbs. of moisture in the air. It was one of those humid days that only us of the east coast can appreciate. If gravity were to change by a mere fraction we could all swim around the atmosphere like we lived in a giant fish bowl.
Fehl had a sweat stream running down his back as soon as he put his shirt on. He looked like he just jumped out of the pool every time he came to the bench.
This was a humid and hot game of epic proportions, and the Green Team was able to stay in the game because of it. We had to dig hard and deep to find the will to win this one, and it was going to have to come from an unexpected source.
The game started slowly as most of our games do. Shoup made some good saves to keep it scoreless in the first. Their goalie, a Shuler, got lucky as we clanged a few off of the posts and crossbars.
Both scoring lines were getting their chances, but because of two "right time right place" shots they had a 2 goal lead early in the second.
A rarity with Random Lengths was taking place, Tim and Curt were playing on the same line and they were making stuff happen.
Fennell got to play forward again and he and Fehl showed made a strong statement for continuing to play together for the rest of the season.
Finally the Shuler dam broke and Fennell blasted one in the far side to make it 1-2.
When the Random Lengths smell blood an onslaught normally ensues.
Someone sneaked a Mexican Jumping Ball onto the dek and Curt was having a hell of a time controlling it for a few minutes. The snake was beaten though as Curt was finally able to settle it and blast one home to make it 2-2.
Curt and Tim hooked up again a few minutes later and then Trav puts a shot in from the point through a screen, and RLs are suddenly the team leading by 2.
Green Team claws back into the game and they tie it with approximately 5 minutes to go in the game.
Hold that thought!! Curt takes the ball from the center line and is 1 on 1 with the goalie. Tim goes toward the net awaiting a possible rebound. Kent King, who works at the local gay bar and wears his sunglasses at night is running as close as he can to Tim, who then proceeds to slash his stick down onto Tim's, just as Curt fires a rifle shot over the near shoulder of Shuler to give the RLs the lead 5-4!
But wait! One of the worst calls of all time?! Yes Fat Ref, I understand that you ate only one baby today and you may still be hungry, but that is a bullshit call.
INTERFERENCE??!! on Tim, no goal, we are now short-handed.
Joke league.
Trav and this other kid decide that they want to play hard because they like to win and be good at things, and Fat Ref doesn't like people being good at things so he throws them out of the game for being "aggressive."
JOKE.
The game ends with us having 4 forwards on the dek hoping for a last second goal. We have like 7 faceoffs in their zone, and we put 88 shots on Shuler but we cannot sneak one in.
OT begins and everyone is tired. Gay Bar Kent and Bucktoothed Benny are chatting about how dumb they are because they attended Butler High School. I opted not to tell them that 90% of our team attended, graduated, graduated college, and now have jobs after their Butler Education - so we must have learned something right. I don't know where you learn to be a gay bouncer, but he must have thousands of dollars in student loans.
The first line makes some stuff happen but no dice. Tim and Chad Scuderi take the ball into the offensive zone, Tim around the net, out front to Chad - BAM! GOAL! GAME WINNER FOR SCUDS!!!! Let's get the fuck out of this heat.
5-4, game in OT.
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