Saturday, September 12, 2009

Game Recap 9/12 VS Sasse Blasters

Sasse Blasters? Who in God's name thinks of these names? Is it one person that gets to decide? It must be, because I know that if I were on that team and I asked the captain "hey man, what is our team name?" and he responded "The Sasse Blasters - funny right?" I would upper cut his scrotum.

Pott was there with his usual scouting report and according to him their goalie was not that great. Fehl on the other hand plays in the B(itch) league with some of these dudes, including the goalie, and he said he was pretty solid. If you find that information positive or helpful - you are a better man than I.

Their one threat was a guy who also plays in A(ss) league and B(ite me) league and he is not allowed to play forward because of it. Inside sources say this guy's wife is a skank - I'm guessing she's just pissed because this dude spends his entire weekend playing Dek Hockey. Oh well, he made me eat shit on a goal and had a pretty nice shot, but overall he was very "meh."

They scored the first goal on a rebound, and the scored stayed 1-0 for most of the first. The RLs did not fret though, and there were positive thoughts (mixed with BO and sweaty glove smell) floating around the bench.

Sure as shit Pott makes Skank Wife's Husband chew the boards and makes a sick pass across the dek to Fehl, who then makes an even sicker pass to Curtis who buries it. 1-1 - and then this ass clown breaks and tosses his stick at Aunt Pam.

Now I'm ok with tossing your stick, I throw golf clubs all of the time, but you DO NOT throw your stick at Aunt Pam. I have some other Aunts that I may be ok with with getting hit with a stick - but not Aunt Pam.

I called the King Joke out on it the next shift and I seriously didn't think I would be able to play the rest of the game when he responded to my comments. He told me to "go fuck myself." I have NEVER had anyone respond to a lewd comment by telling me to go fuck myself. I mean, WOW, if there was an award for the most hurtful come-back of all time - THIS IS IT! I immediately felt my soul frown and my heart sink into organ hell. My legs fell weak and my back hair starting falling out. Once I regained my composure I thought about his response once again and pooped myself a little. This guy made Andrew Dice Clay seem like Mother Theresa. I'm going to have nightmares for the next 3 months about me fucking myself...my knee just turned the opposite direction and my left nipple turned black just thinking about it again.

He did try to pull a move on me in his own zone minutes later and I stole it from him and all that he heard as I whizzed by was the Random Lengths patented "laaaater."



We scored the next goal. Curt made a nice play out of the corner to Pott who took a shot which was blocked by the defender and then proceeded to pop up in the air and Tim smacked it as it hit the ground and beat the goalie and we then led 2-1. Run-on I know, this is a game recap not your fucking senior project.

Fehl then scored twice on some nice setups by Curt and we were in the lead 4-1. It stayed this way for awhile, and the interim was clogged with penalties on both sides. 2 v 3s, 3 v 4s, 3 v 3s, Pott getting elbowed and then dragging a kid down to the ground, Dave tripping Sappy Slap Stick King Cumback because the kid was trying to stick handle and Dave felt bad that he was making himself look like an idiot, and Fehl got a 2 minute penalty for saying "what?"

Yeah, you guessed it - Heroin Ref was there and his usual "I need a stamp bag" self. You know how us as dudes, we have that one tool in our toolbox that we just cannot live without (mine is a roofers square)? That one tool that is the tool above all others. The King Tool. The Master Tool. You know what I mean? Well this guy is THAT tool in the Douche Bag Toolbox. He is KING TOOL.


They did end up making it an exciting game near the end and the boys played well. Pott and Dave were sucking air. Marky's assignment for the last minute and a half was to cover SWH (skank wife's husband) and he made some very important blocks at the point.

Shoup was his usual solid self and he made some key saves late. We held on for the win, a nice win.

Stats updated on the link to your right.


Game Highlights:

  • Fehl's girlfriend was boozed up and she ordered us to win and we obliged. We need people to order us to win more often.
  • We played the entire game with 4 forwards and 2 defenders and Pott and "Who's this Dave" played fucking fantastic.
  • Shoup is by far the most improved Random Length since our inaugural session. We were giving them space for long shots because he was gobbling them up all night.
  • Fehl has developed his sliding into an offensive advantage. Although he was thrown in the box for sliding into someone tonight. Dumb rule that was only created because some guy said he blew his knee out and then was playing again in two weeks. I have bruises, bumps, scrapes, and dents on my shins and legs every week - are you going to take the sticks away next?
  • For the last 5 minutes RLs were taint deep and we pulled it out just in time.
  • Pott name-dropped and Polamalu is out 8-9 weeks.
  • Marky blocked 34 shots again.
  • Happy Birthday Marky.

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